Installment 29

She blinked a couple of times, still staring at me.
"Fi, it's not that simple. I can only do that when you're dreaming."
"Then I'll stay asleep. I don't care, Janet. This is all too weird and crazy and I don't like this world. I just... I just want things to be simple."
"Nothing's every simple."
"Some things are."
"This isn't."
I sighed and looked at my hands; my fingers intertwined and twisted.
"Fi, I wish I could do this for you. I mean, I can, sort of, just not all the time. It's just not possible. It'd kill you."
"I don't care. I don't need to live. I need her, though."
"I need you to live, Fi. Don't you get it?"
"I... shit... yeah, I guess I kinda do."
"Come on, let's get out of here. We'll work something out, but we need to get away."
"Ok."
She started the engine and drove out of the car park.

***

I woke with a start.
"What was that?"
"Nothing, love. Go back to sleep."
"Christ, I don't remember falling asleep. How long have I been out?"
"Silly... no-one remembers falling asleep."
"I meant... I don't remember being tired. I just remember talking to you, then waking up."
"It's that place. I wouldn't worry about it, love."
"That place?"
"Yeah, just the dimensional shift probably made you pass out. It's fairly normal."
"Dimensional shift?"
"Yes."
"So I was... what? in a different dimension?"
"Yes."
"Shit!"
"Didn't you realise?"
"No. I thought I was in Blackpool or somewhere."
She laughed, "You're funny."
"Why's that funny?"
"Well, as if he'd ever go to Blackpool, or, well, earth."
"Why not?"
"Well, it's beneath him!"
"But not you?"
She sighed, "I used to think so, but, well, we screwed up, Elena and I, and now we have to pay."
"What happened?"
She shook her head, "We were stupid. We were always like sisters. We loved each other, but we hated each other. We spent all our time playing tricks on each other. We were just inseparable. Well, then one time, we went too far; I went too far. I took the pendant from him and put it on. I thought I'd just be invisible, so Elena wouldn't be able to see me and I could scare her, but I lost all sense of myself. I couldn't tell where I was, or what I was doing. It was like I was just a body-less soul. She found me and she brought me back. I don't know how she did it, but she took the pendant from me and freed me. Anyway, the pendant was lost and we were banished. That was the first time we've been allowed back since. We brought you to him. We brought the pendant to him. Elena was supposed to get it from you the same way she got it from me, only she couldn't. She didn't remember how."
"But he said that I could teach him how to see the pendant."
"Did he?" she smiled, almost laughing, "He's full of shit."

Installment 28

I woke, feeling like I was underwater, but it wasn't scary. I wasn't drowning, I was just surrounded by calm water. I felt well rested, in a way that I hadn't in a long time. I looked around for the man, but couldn't see him. I couldn't see anything much. I didn't mind. I was content for the first time in a long time. The guilt over killing Kelly; the guilt over letting Leon get hurt; all dissipated.

I heard a voice, although I couldn't make out the words, then a strong hand clasped my own hand and I was pulled from the water.

"That's the way. How are you feeling?" the man asked me.
"Um... yeah, I feel really good. What happened?"
"Well, the human brain develops easily when you're a child, but it's harder to make those kinds of changes once you're an adult. You had to reconnect the part of your brain that let you know your friend was going to get hurt, and that's a big change. It will take some training to be able to fully control it, but once you can, you'll be able to teach me how to see the pendant."
"How?"
"It's difficult to explain until you experience it, but you'll change; the way your brain works will change and then you'll understand."
"Okay."

It was easy to trust him, the way I felt in that moment. So easy to believe that every word he said was true and that it was all for me; to improve my mind; to make me better. Pretty soon, I would be able to predict the future. I almost felt that I should laugh at the idea, but it felt so real; so right. This was my destiny. To see the future; to change the future; to make the world a better place.

He looked on, smiling, as I daydreamed. Eventually, I turned to him and he spoke softly, "Shall we begin?"
"Yes," I replied.
"When you had your experience, your premonition, that is, you were asleep?"
"No, I don't think so. Not quite awake, but not really asleep either; just kind of in between."
"Good, it's good that you can see that distinction. To use this power, you must be neither awake nor asleep. It's a different state of consciousness altogether."
"Is that what happened before I fell asleep?"
"You felt something?"
"Yes. You were shouting and I was upset, then suddenly I wasn't. I was happy, like I am now."
"Most likely it was an experience, of sorts. It's unusual to have such experiences over something so small as being happy, but perhaps your brain needed to try out the power in order to overcome the years of denial."
I smiled at him. He returned the smile, his face so soft now where hard lines of frustration and contempt had been just hours ago, "Different people have different ways of dealing with it."
"What about you?"
"Me? I don't have that power."
"What power do you have?"
"I can... I can do other things. It's not important."
"Okay."
"Anyway, you need to learn to put your mind in that state of consciousness between sleep and waking, and then you will be able to control the power."
"How do I do that?"
"It's mostly about learning to recognise the feeling, then recreating it."
"I don't really understand."
"Ok, I want you to lie down."
I lay down on my back, with my knees bent and my hands rested on my belly.
"Breath deeply and try to clear your mind."
My mind was still swimming with the new ideas and new possibilities. I tried to think of a blank screen at the cinema, before the film starts, but my mind ran off to the idea of sitting in the cinema and knowing what will happen next. I tried to think of a blue, cloudless sky, but my mind ran off to weather prediction.
"Just clear your mind, Fi. Nothing in this plane of existence matters."
I thought of a blank canvas, like the one that sat in our hallway for weeks before Kelly finally acknowledged that she was never going to touch the oil paints she'd gotten for her birthday and given it to a painter friend. I felt the grief of losing her fill me completely. I didn't feel any guilt anymore. I felt betrayed. She had left me and gone on somewhere new and I... I couldn't follow her. I felt angry. So, so angry. I opened my eyes, suddenly.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I think, maybe it's all a bit much for me. I'm really worn out. I am trying, but I don't think I can do it."
The man looked a little surprised. I thought he was going to shout again, but he smiled, "That's ok, Fiona. Why don't you go to sleep and we'll resume this later? Or are you hungry?"
I thought for a moment, "I'm a little hungry, but mostly just tired, I think."
"Okay. I'll leave you to sleep and someone will bring you some food when you wake up."
"Thanks."
I lay down on the bed and fell asleep immediately.

***

I woke with a start and blinked my eyes hard a few times to adjust to the dim light. Janet was shaking my shoulder.
"Oh, it's you."
"Yes," she whispered, "Come with me if you want to live."
I stared at her in disbelief, "What are you? Terminator?"
She shrugged, "I kinda liked the films; always wanted to say that, but seriously, your life is in danger and I can get you out of here."
"Why?"
"He wants to take your power. It'll kill you. You need to come with me."
"Why should I trust you? You deceived me. You made me think... You made me think you were her."
"I'm sorry."
I sighed. I felt like I should have more to say to her, but I just didn't. I didn't understand any of it anymore. I rolled off the bed onto my feet, still fully clothed and waved my hand at the door, waiting for her to lead the way.
"Put the pendant on and stay close to me."
I did as she said and followed her out of the room, down the corridor, and to her car in the street below. I didn't recognise where we were at all. The road markings looked odd and the sky seemed bluer than I had ever seen it before. There were small white clouds. The sun slid behind one, lighting it up in a golden glow. When the sun began to emerge from the other side, it looked almost like a dragon breathing fire.
"Fi?" Janet whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Fi, I can't see you. You need to take the pendant off and get in the car."
I did so, and she smiled at me, starting up the engine. I put my hand on her arm to stop her. She turned and looked at me, waiting.
"I want you to do something. I don't care if I live or die, or if I'm unconscious forever. I know you can do it. I want you to give me Kelly back."

Installment 27

"Ok... let's start with something simple. Ever seen a ghost?"
I shook my head and smirked a little.
"Ever... had a premonition."
I stared at him for a moment, still smirking, but slowly my face fell as a long forgotten memory returned to me.
"Yes, I have. I'd forgotten.
"I was only 13 or so. A group of us used to hang out in the woods. We'd built a rope swing over the river. It was so high; it kind of felt like you were flying. Leon was in the Sea Scouts and knew a lot about knots, so he climbed up and tied the rope. That first time, when he jumped out across the river, none of really, truly believed it was going to hold, but it did. We had a broom handle that someone had cut in half as a seat and we'd take it in turns to try to go higher and further. We spent hours pretty much every day that summer, just swinging across the river.
"Then one night, I had a nightmare... or... a kind of waking dream, I'm not sure. I felt like I was awake, but I suddenly had all these feelings. It wasn't so much a vision as hearing and feeling something. There were screams and just the most painful terror I have ever experienced. I knew that something bad was going to happen. So, the next day, we went off to the woods, and I really wanted to say something, I really did, but... well, I was afraid they'd laugh at me. It seemed stupid, so I didn't tell anyone.
"Someone had sawn into the branch. The found it later and it was smoothly cut halfway, then broken and splintered the other half. Someone did that.
"Leon was in a coma for 7 months. It was a miracle he survived. They say the chances of waking up after more than a few weeks are..." I waved my hand. I couldn't remember the statistic.
For the first time since I started speaking, I looked over at the man. He looked bored; like he didn't believe me, or like he was waiting for me to say something interesting.
I coughed quietly and continued, "He's ok now. I mean, he can't walk without sticks, but he's... well, he's ok. I told him once. I felt so guilty for having let him get on the swing when I knew something bad was going to happen. He didn't believe me. He said, 'Memory's a funny thing. It so often gets mixed up with hindsight'." I shrugged, "I know I didn't get it mixed up. I know what I felt. I remember the dread as we walked to the woods," I paused, waiting for him to say something. He didn't.
I took a deep breath and said, "I haven't spoken about that in, what, 15 years, maybe more."
"Ok, well how did you do that?"
I looked at him quizzically, "Do what?"
"Have the premonition. How did you do it?"
"I... I don't know."
"How can you not know?"
"I didn't mean to do it. I'm not sure I did do it. It just kinda happened."
He stood up and picked up one of the empty beer bottles onto the bed, "Well, what use is a power if you can't control it? Or even re-create it? You're useless to me!"
"I... I don't know... it only happened that one time. I had forgotten all about it."
"Well, of course you had! Guilt like that? Either you're strong and you learn to control and use your power, or you're weak and you just repress the memory and any further premonitions, and you are weak," he almost spat out the words.
"I didn't mean to. I don't know why you're so angry with me. It's not my fault," I could tell as the words left my mouth that this would not placate him. My voice had become a high pitched whine and I was now even irritating myself.
"You don't know why I'm angry? I'm angry because you have what's mine and you have the power to help me take it back, but you're too weak to do it. They told me that you could do this and brought me here and you're nothing. Just a chancer. A fucking mortal chancer, with your sob-story about how you could have saved your friend but did nothing to learn to use that power. You just hid from it, feeling sorry for yourself, never thinking that you may be able to use it to do great things. You're a wasted opportunity. Nothing more."

I could feel tears streaming down my face as I stared at him, wide-eyed. I let them fall; made no attempt to hide them. What was there to hide? There was my whole life boiled down into two words. My gravestone could read "Fiona Barnes - 1981-whenever - Wasted Opportunity".

And then suddenly, I felt a rush of calm run through me. My muscles relaxed and I let out a sigh which seemed to rid my body of all the anxiety. I felt... loved. I think I smiled; I closed my eyes and fell back on the bed. I thought I heard him say something as I fell asleep. I thought I heard him say, "That's my girl."

Installment 26

About 20 minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I opened it and was handed pizza and a bag by someone I didn't know. He didn't seem to be from the pizza place and almost growled when I tried to step out of the door to take the food from him. I quickly grabbed the pizza and bag and went back inside. Sure enough the bag clinked in a satisfying way and I pulled out 4 bottles of corona and a lime. Good on Elena for thinking of everything. Well, almost everything. I still have to pull the lime apart with my fingernails, but the first swig of beer made it well worthwhile.

I opened the pizza box and scoffed down 3 or 4 slices really quickly, before slowing down and savouring the taste. I hadn't eaten since I left Janet and Elena at that pub in Scotland, and not for a day at least before that. I couldn't even tell how long ago that was. It was good pizza. Not too much cheese, and a decent selection of vegetables, rather than just the usual lazy peppers, sweetcorn and onions. Peppers and onions, I could go with, but sweetcorn on pizza never quite worked for me, mostly because it was almost always the kind that came from a tin and tasted more of sugar then of sweetcorn.

I polished off the first beer and opened another, ripping the lime apart get another slice and shoving it into the opening of the bottle, squeezing as much juice as possible into the beer. I decided to save the last couple of slices of pizza for later in case my captors forgot that I needed to eat more than once a week like Elena had before. I looked out the window and saw it was getting dark. With nothing else to do, and no desire to sleep, I drank my way through the other two beers, then sucked the juice out of the remainder of the lime, all the while, I imagined what lay in store for me. Who this strange man, or not man, but being was. What he wanted. What the pendant was. So many questions, but I didn't get the feeling I was going to be asking many of them. I had a horrible feeling I was going to be expected to answer questions, and I was fairly sure I didn't know the answers.

I wondered what he'd look like. Would he even look like a man? Janet and Elena were both pretty attractive, but in the kind of way that you wouldn't necessarily notice them immediately. I wondered if he'd be the same. I wondered if he'd be nice to me like Elena was when she wasn't losing her temper.

I had started to think 'like Janet was' but my brain still couldn't quite work its way round Janet. She was, what? In love with me? How does that make sense? I'd felt bad when I'd woken up and realised that she wasn't Kelly, but she'd orchestrated the whole thing. It was strange. I'd felt so safe with her until then... and I missed the dreams. If I was honest, I'd been disappointed that it was Elena walked through the door, because Janet would give me Kelly back, even if it was only an illusion, I wanted to feel her again.

I lay on the bed, pulled the covers around me and stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. I so wanted sleep. I wanted the comfort of sleep, even if I couldn't get the dreams.

It seemed like hours later. The sky outside had gone dark and the only light in the room came from the small table lamp by the bed. I heard the door handle turn slowly. I didn't move. I thought maybe if I pretended to be asleep, they'd leave me alone.

“Hello Fiona,” I vaguely recognised the voice, but I couldn't quite place it.
I didn't move.
“Fiona, I know you're awake, there's no point pretending.”
I didn't move.
“Seriously, I'm not just trying it on saying that I know you're awake on the off-chance you are. I can actually sense consciousness. Didn't they explain this to you?”
I turned over to look at him.
“That's better.”
“Who are you?”
“I'll ask the questions, thank you,” he paused, as if waiting for objections, but I didn't have the strength, “How are you, Fiona?”
I thought for a moment, trying to come up with something witty to say, but couldn't, “I'm reasonable, I guess.”
“Are you tired?”
“No,” I told him, “I wish I was. I wanted to sleep, but couldn't.”
He nodded. As I'd expected, he was attractive in a very ordinary way.
“I mean, I guess I'm kind of tired, but not sleepy, if that makes sense.”
He nodded again, still saying nothing. He reminded me of the Occupational Health guy I'd been sent to when I'd been off work for 3 weeks once. They just sit back and expect you to tell them everything. Even though I knew I'd been genuinely sick for that 3 weeks, the OH guy's silences made me feel guilty.
“Say something.”
“What would you like me to say?”
“I dunno. Hello?”
“Hello, Fiona.”
“Tell me your name.”
“I don't have a name. Not one you'd understand, anyway.”
“What does that mean?”
“Speech is a mortal thing. I never chose a mortal name because it didn't seem necessary. I so rarely speak to mortals.”
“Should I be honoured?”
“Honoured? Honoured is one way of thinking of it.”
“How would you describe it?”
“You should be... wary.”
“Whatever. I'm sick of being worried and scared and wary or whatever. I tried to turn myself in. They wouldn't take me. I need to get back to London. Maybe they just don't know what's going on in... wherever we are.”
“Where do you think you are?”
“Dunno, Lancashire, I guess.”
He nodded.
"Is that you confirming we're in Lancashire?"
"No."
"Are we in Lancashire?"
"Not exactly."
"What's that mean?"
He just shook his head.
I shrugged, deciding that I'd play his game too. We shared the silence for several long minutes.
Eventually, he cleared his throat and I looked up, expecting him to speak. He didn't; just stared at me.
"What?"
He blinked, but said nothing.
"Look, what do you want to know? Why am I here?"
"You know what I want to know."
"About the pendant?"
"Yes."
"But what about it?"
"You can see it."
"Yes."
"Most people can't."
It sounded strange when he said 'people'; as if he was spitting out the word.
"You mean you can't?"
"I mean most people can't."
"But mortals can?"
"No, Fiona. Most mortals can't see it. Most people can't."
"Right... but I can?"
"So it seems."
"So, what do you want to know?"
"We want to know how it is that you can see the pendant, and we want you to teach us."
"Elena said you could see it."
"She was wrong."
"But she said it's yours."
"It is... in a manner of speaking."
"Let me guess; it's complicated."
He half smiled in a patronising way, "The world is a rich and complicated place. Very little in it is simple."
I really wanted to say something clever in response, but I couldn't think of anything.
"I don't know why I can see the pendant. I just can."
"Not good enough."
I put my hand in my pocket and lightly ran my fingers over the smooth design of the pendant.
"You know that you can't get out of here even if I can't see you, don't you?"
"Why not?"
"The door's locked. The key is outside with Elena. She won't open the door unless I tell her to."
I frowned, thinking that there must be some way to trick him and escape, but unable to come up with a more detailed plan than that.
"So... shall we start?"
"Start what?"
"We need to discuss why you can see the pendant, so I can learn to see it too."
"Ok."
He smiled at me, expectantly. I watched him for a moment, then looked away, feeling awkward.
"So, tell me."
"It's just there, so I can see it."
"Right, but I can't."
"Jesus! I know that. I just don't know why."
"Well, can you see other things?"
I looked at him in disbelief, "Yes. I can see many things. Pretty much all visible things."