Installment 28

I woke, feeling like I was underwater, but it wasn't scary. I wasn't drowning, I was just surrounded by calm water. I felt well rested, in a way that I hadn't in a long time. I looked around for the man, but couldn't see him. I couldn't see anything much. I didn't mind. I was content for the first time in a long time. The guilt over killing Kelly; the guilt over letting Leon get hurt; all dissipated.

I heard a voice, although I couldn't make out the words, then a strong hand clasped my own hand and I was pulled from the water.

"That's the way. How are you feeling?" the man asked me.
"Um... yeah, I feel really good. What happened?"
"Well, the human brain develops easily when you're a child, but it's harder to make those kinds of changes once you're an adult. You had to reconnect the part of your brain that let you know your friend was going to get hurt, and that's a big change. It will take some training to be able to fully control it, but once you can, you'll be able to teach me how to see the pendant."
"How?"
"It's difficult to explain until you experience it, but you'll change; the way your brain works will change and then you'll understand."
"Okay."

It was easy to trust him, the way I felt in that moment. So easy to believe that every word he said was true and that it was all for me; to improve my mind; to make me better. Pretty soon, I would be able to predict the future. I almost felt that I should laugh at the idea, but it felt so real; so right. This was my destiny. To see the future; to change the future; to make the world a better place.

He looked on, smiling, as I daydreamed. Eventually, I turned to him and he spoke softly, "Shall we begin?"
"Yes," I replied.
"When you had your experience, your premonition, that is, you were asleep?"
"No, I don't think so. Not quite awake, but not really asleep either; just kind of in between."
"Good, it's good that you can see that distinction. To use this power, you must be neither awake nor asleep. It's a different state of consciousness altogether."
"Is that what happened before I fell asleep?"
"You felt something?"
"Yes. You were shouting and I was upset, then suddenly I wasn't. I was happy, like I am now."
"Most likely it was an experience, of sorts. It's unusual to have such experiences over something so small as being happy, but perhaps your brain needed to try out the power in order to overcome the years of denial."
I smiled at him. He returned the smile, his face so soft now where hard lines of frustration and contempt had been just hours ago, "Different people have different ways of dealing with it."
"What about you?"
"Me? I don't have that power."
"What power do you have?"
"I can... I can do other things. It's not important."
"Okay."
"Anyway, you need to learn to put your mind in that state of consciousness between sleep and waking, and then you will be able to control the power."
"How do I do that?"
"It's mostly about learning to recognise the feeling, then recreating it."
"I don't really understand."
"Ok, I want you to lie down."
I lay down on my back, with my knees bent and my hands rested on my belly.
"Breath deeply and try to clear your mind."
My mind was still swimming with the new ideas and new possibilities. I tried to think of a blank screen at the cinema, before the film starts, but my mind ran off to the idea of sitting in the cinema and knowing what will happen next. I tried to think of a blue, cloudless sky, but my mind ran off to weather prediction.
"Just clear your mind, Fi. Nothing in this plane of existence matters."
I thought of a blank canvas, like the one that sat in our hallway for weeks before Kelly finally acknowledged that she was never going to touch the oil paints she'd gotten for her birthday and given it to a painter friend. I felt the grief of losing her fill me completely. I didn't feel any guilt anymore. I felt betrayed. She had left me and gone on somewhere new and I... I couldn't follow her. I felt angry. So, so angry. I opened my eyes, suddenly.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I think, maybe it's all a bit much for me. I'm really worn out. I am trying, but I don't think I can do it."
The man looked a little surprised. I thought he was going to shout again, but he smiled, "That's ok, Fiona. Why don't you go to sleep and we'll resume this later? Or are you hungry?"
I thought for a moment, "I'm a little hungry, but mostly just tired, I think."
"Okay. I'll leave you to sleep and someone will bring you some food when you wake up."
"Thanks."
I lay down on the bed and fell asleep immediately.

***

I woke with a start and blinked my eyes hard a few times to adjust to the dim light. Janet was shaking my shoulder.
"Oh, it's you."
"Yes," she whispered, "Come with me if you want to live."
I stared at her in disbelief, "What are you? Terminator?"
She shrugged, "I kinda liked the films; always wanted to say that, but seriously, your life is in danger and I can get you out of here."
"Why?"
"He wants to take your power. It'll kill you. You need to come with me."
"Why should I trust you? You deceived me. You made me think... You made me think you were her."
"I'm sorry."
I sighed. I felt like I should have more to say to her, but I just didn't. I didn't understand any of it anymore. I rolled off the bed onto my feet, still fully clothed and waved my hand at the door, waiting for her to lead the way.
"Put the pendant on and stay close to me."
I did as she said and followed her out of the room, down the corridor, and to her car in the street below. I didn't recognise where we were at all. The road markings looked odd and the sky seemed bluer than I had ever seen it before. There were small white clouds. The sun slid behind one, lighting it up in a golden glow. When the sun began to emerge from the other side, it looked almost like a dragon breathing fire.
"Fi?" Janet whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Fi, I can't see you. You need to take the pendant off and get in the car."
I did so, and she smiled at me, starting up the engine. I put my hand on her arm to stop her. She turned and looked at me, waiting.
"I want you to do something. I don't care if I live or die, or if I'm unconscious forever. I know you can do it. I want you to give me Kelly back."