Installment 39

When I awoke, the sun was rising. The whole sky glowed red and the clouds seemed to be on fire.
I sighed, “Red sky in the morning...”
“What's that?” Janet asked me quietly.
I shook my head, “Nothing. Just stupid superstition.”
“Sleep well?”
“Um... yeah, I guess,” I rubbed my eyes and sat up.
“We'll be there in half an hour or so.”
I forced a smile, “What then?”
Janet shook her head, “I'm still playing it by ear to a large extent.”
I nodded, “Fuck all else we can do, I guess.”
She smiled, “Nope. Really isn't.”

“What are you talking about?” Harry asked leaning over the back of the seat.
“Um... just stuff,” I responded.
“What stuff?”
“Uh...”
“Morning, Cerriadd,” Gwendolyn interruped, “Did you sleep ok?”
“Yeah, fine, gran, until I got woken up to go god knows where in the car in the middle of the night.”
The old woman laughed, “Well, we'll be back in Ogmore soon.”
“Ogmore?”
Gwendolyn didn't respond.
“Gran? Ogmore? We're going back? You've found mum?” When Gwendolyn still said nothing, she turned to me, “You know where my mother is?”
I started to shake my head, but got a warning look from Janet.
“We think we know where to find her,” Janet said.
Harry looked at Janet, not knowing what to say. After about 30 seconds, she said, “I don't believe you.”
Janet smiled, “That's ok, Harry. When we find her, you'll know.”
The girl blinked a few times, “Can you really find her?”
Janet put her hand on Harry's arm, “I hope so. I really do.”
I stared at Harry. She must have been around thirteen or so. Poor kid; being dragged around by her family with a couple of strangers in tow. Really, she was coping very well with it all.
Harry shrugged, as if she could hear my thoughts, “Doesn't really matter anyway. She'll just go away again.”
“Oh! No, she might not this time,” I told her. Janet shot me a look to shut up.
Harry gave me a patronising look, “It's ok. I'm used to it. She's not been around since dad took off. Uncle Brin and gran look after me.”
“Do you remember much about your dad?” I wanted to hear Harry's side of the story.
“Nah, not really. Not that interested. He's a bastard and I hope he's really unhappy wherever he is.”
She didn't know he'd died; that her mother had killed him. I wondered if she'd like that, or if it would upset her.
“My dad left when I was eight,” I told her, trying somehow to relate.
She shrugged, “Was he a bastard too?”
I thought for a moment, “No, I don't think so. Just didn't work out, I guess.”
She looked disappointed, as if she wanted someone to share her anger with. I wondered if her mother still shared it.
“So,” she said, “Without meaning to be rude, who the hell are you?”
I laughed, “It's kinda complicated. I guess our paths just collided a bit.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Honestly, I'm not sure.”
“So, you just got in our car and left yours in Beddgellert and you don't know why?”
“I mean, I guess there's more to it than that, but pretty much, yeah.”
She nodded and smiled sarcastically, then sat back in her seat, took her mobile phone out and ignored us.

I looked out of the window, recognising some of the landmarks on the way into Ogmore. It seemed so long since I was last here, but it can't have been more than a couple of weeks. I shuddered slightly at the memory of seeing Errol and Tim in that car. I tried to imagine walking into the pub and Errol not being there. It seemed to me that if I went back, he'd magically just re-appear, but I knew things like that didn't happen.

I thought about my dad then. He'd left, but he'd still always been around. He spoilt me rotten at first and it drove my mother mad, but after a couple of years, they managed to come to some kind of arrangement and I no longer got everything I wanted, just because I asked for it. I remember being pissed off at the time, but I guess it was better in the long run.

I tried to picture his face, but when I closed my eyes, I could only see Errol's face, twisted in pain and angry. I tried to picture my mother then, but still I couldn't see her face, and then I tried to picture Kelly. Every feature was clear. Her auburn hair, her bright blue eyes, her freckled skin and that gorgeous smile; I could see it all so clearly, but I'd killed her. Then I began to wonder whether Arianwen had felt the same about her lover – the man who'd stolen from her and run away. She must have felt so betrayed, but to leave her daughter to go looking for the pendant, that seemed so strange to me. What was so special about it that it was worth all that? There must be more to it than just making people invisible. I mean, that was kind of cool, but not worth killing over.

I took it out of my pocket and looked at it. It had a thin leather cord, and what looked like a large purple tear with a hole drilled into it. When I held it up to the light, it looked almost crimson, but in the shadow, it was a dark indigo colour. I tried to imagine losing it; someone stealing it from me, and it seemed a completely impossible concept. I couldn't imagine what I'd do. I'd been ready to give it up just to get away from Daniel, but now, the idea of him taking it from me made me so angry.