Installment 47

And that got me thinking. I only really had Janet's word for it that I couldn't leave. Even Brin didn't know about Arianwen holding me prisoner. Surely, she'd have told her brother, or whatever he was to her. I began to wonder how she actually felt about Gwendolyn. Did she think of her as her mother? And of Brin as her brother? Or was she just completely using them and trying to make them believe? And Harry? Harry was her daughter, but did that mean she cared about her? Loved her? Harry clearly adored her, but Harry was at least part-human, or mortal.

“Whatcha thinking?” Janet crept up on me.
I jumped, “Shit!”
“You ok?”
“You just scared me.”
“Sorry, love.”
I shook my head, “It doesn't matter. I was miles away.”
She smiled and gazed at me. It was slightly off-putting, but kind of sweet. My head was all over the place. I had no idea whether to believe what she'd told me and whether to trust she was on my side. I tried to smile back, but she could tell something was wrong. I could see her expression change to one of concern.
“I'm really hungry,” I told her before she had the chance to say anything.
She looked upset, “I know, love. I'm going to try to get you some more food. It's just difficult.”
I felt bad, “I know, love,” I leaned close and kissed her softly. It felt strange; not like the familiarity I'd felt before in the maze. I think I flinched. I think she felt it. I assumed she did. How could she not have?
I pretended it had all felt ok, and she pretended she believed that. We both pretended we didn't realise the other was pretending. It was fantastically awkward. I began to wish I hadn't spoke to Brin; hadn't thought of the idea that Janet may be lying to me, or mis-leading me. She hadn't actually told me a lie. Arianwen probably wouldn't let us leave; but there was a difference between not allowing us to leave and preventing us leaving. I wondered which it was. Surely a being that powerful would be able to stop a mere mortal leaving a castle. Easy – far too easy. Maybe not so easy when I had an immortal protector; and immortal lover. Whatever Janet was to me – and I really hadn't worked that out – she loved me; I believed that. I believed she would do what was best for me, but somehow, I didn't trust her. I didn't trust her judgement of what was best for me.
“Fi?” Janet paused, then tried my full name, “Fiona?”
I blinked a couple of times and realised she was talking, “Sorry, yeah. I mean, yeah? What's up?”
She smiled and put a hand on my shoulder, protectively, “You need to sleep.”
I looked up at her; I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of her, so I turned away, “Yeah, I think I do – and I need to eat. If she's going to keep us here, she needs to feed me, or she may as well kill me now,” then I stood and walked over to the bed, flopping onto it. I buried my head into the pillow and closed my eyes, pretending to fall straight asleep.
She knew I wasn't asleep, but tried to play along. She kissed my temple and whispered, “Sleep well, my love.”