Installment number 12

I woke to the sound of light knocking on the door. I quickly pulled on my jeans and a t-shirt and opened the door slightly. Tim was standing there. I went to say something, and he put his finger to his lips to stop me. I opened the door further and let him in. He walked in and checked around the room, as if searching for bugs or something. When he was satisfied that we couldn't be heard, he let out a sigh of relief.

"Where's Janet?"
"I don't know. Gone. She usually goes out all day."
"Good. I need you to come with me."
"What? Why?"
"I can't explain here. I need you to trust me."
"Why would I trust you?"
"It's in your best interest."
"That's not the most convincing argument I've ever heard."
"It's not, is it? Errol and I have found something out, and we need to show you, but we can't bring it here. We think that you're being lied to and it's so much easier to show you than to tell you," he paused, as if waiting for me to take the lead, "Please?"
Nothing I'd done since this whole thing had started made any sense, so I said, "Okay, then, let's go," and followed him to his car.

We drove to the other side of town. The stereo was playing a mix tape of mid-90s rock music and I was reminded of my time at university, dancing wildly until the early hours of the morning. Despite the tension in the car, it was hard not to sing along quietly and nod my head in time. Tim saw me doing this and smiled. After about 20 minutes, we pulled into a driveway and got out the car. Errol opened the front door and ushered us in. I was led into the living room.

"I found it in the paper. They don't think we see things like this down here, but I do. I see the whole lot. Get 'em delivered, you see. Kind of a hobby, I guess," he opened a newspaper triumphantly to a half page ad with a large picture of my face taking up a quarter of the page.
"Right," I sighed, "So, now you know. I'm wanted for murder. I ran because I didn't know what else to do. I didn't mean to kill her. Are you going to turn me in?"
They both stared at me incredulously, "Read it, woman."
I did so.

"Fiona Barnes has been missing for 3 weeks. Before leaving her home in London, she sent notes to friends and colleagues telling them that she was going to visit family. Her family were unaware of any such visit and have not seen nor heard from her. If you see Fiona, please could you make sure that she sees this advert or contact Kelly Wheatley on 020-7945-6521.
"Fi, if you see this, please come home. We miss you and love you. Whatever happened, we can work through it together. I know sometimes things get too much, but it's always better with friends and family around you."
"But..." I didn't understand what I was being shown, "but she's dead. I poisoned her."
"She doesn't seem to think so," Tim said, grinning at me.
"I don't understand. I heard the doctors saying she was dead. I heard them."
"What did they tell you?"
"Nothing - I ran," my mind was racing. I could feel my pulse, beating hard in my temples, "It's a trap. Surely, it's a trap."
"Shall we call?"
"No! They'll know where I am."
"It's ok, though, Fi. You didn't kill her. You didn't do anything."
I pondered it for a moment, then nodded, "Ok, let's give it a go, but only a really short call, so they can't trace it."
Tim took his mobile out of his pocket and dialled the number, handing it to me.
"Hi, this is Kelly and Fi. Leave a message after the tone."
I hung up the phone, "Answering machine."
Tim frowned, "That sucks."
"Yeah," I looked at the clock, "Shit! I should get back."
Tim nodded, "Come on, then. Let's go. Maybe we could try again tomorrow?"
"Yeah, maybe," I still wasn't convinced that I wanted to.

***

Janet and I had dinner as always and didn't speak about what had happened that morning, nor did I mention my trip to Errol's house. It was as if we had just re-wound life by 24 hours and none of it had happened, except that I didn't drink the wine and, when I went to bed, Janet went to a different room.

And yet I dreamt of Kelly anyway. I dreamt of arriving back in London and of her welcoming me back in, asking where I'd been and laughing at all the silly things I'd thought and done. Then, I dreamt that she asked why I'd run in the first place and I told her, waiting for her to laugh, but she didn't. Instead, she opened her shirt and showed me the burns on her stomach that, she said, had been caused by the poison I'd given her.
"Can you imagine the pain?" she'd asked, "My insides burnt so badly that you can see it on my skin. Can you imagine the pain?"
Then she touched me and I felt an agonising jolt go through me.
"I had to put up with that for hours upon hours while they pumped the poison out of me. Hours, Fi! It was almost too much to bare. I nearly let go so many times, but then I thought of you, and I came back - and now you tell me that you did this to me?"
And she touched me again, her hands sliding around my neck and I felt all the air leave my lungs and I was left gasping for breath, reaching out to try to move her fingers from my throat. She laughed as she watched me struggle and her hands squeezed tighter.

I woke up suddenly and realised that it was just my blankets that had wrapped themselves around my neck, and not even that tightly, but my imagination had taken over. My breathing was shallow and rapid. I looked around; it was getting light. I grabbed the clock from beside my bed. It was only 5:30am. I felt like I should go back to sleep, but I wasn't sure I could. I was afraid of what I might dream and that I might not wake up. I got up and went to take a shower. The water flowing over my face made me feel better. I stepped out, wrapped my hair in a towel, and put another towel around my body and wandered back into the bedroom. I put the towel down on the bed, and lay on it, the pulled the covers over me.

"Hello, Fiona."
"Shit!" I pulled the covers further up, "Who's there?"
"It's Elena."
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
"I needed to talk to you."
"And so you decided to come in here while I was in the shower."
"I thought you'd be asleep."
"Is that better?"
She thought for a little while, "I'm sorry."
"What do you want?"
"I just needed to talk to you. Where's Janet?"
"I don't know. She's got a different room now."
"Right. Good. I'm worried about you."
"Why are you worried about me? Who the hell are you anyway?"
"Who do you think I am?"
"Honestly? I have no fucking clue. I thought Janet was supposed to be my guardian angel but now I don't know what to think."
"Why?"
"She... I don't want to talk about it. Elena, I'm tired. I'll come and talk to you later if you want. Okay?"
"Okay. Sorry to visit so early."
I watched her leave the room and laid my head on the pillow and went back to sleep.