I didn't sleep that night. I kept trying, but each time I glanced at the clock, no more than an hour had passed. Janet barely stirred when I got out of bed at 5:30. I dressed quietly and crept out of the room. The click of the door catch made me flinch, but Janet still didn't move.
I treaded lightly through the castle and reached the maze before Brin. I took a large gulp of the fresh, cool, morning air, hoping it would wake me a little. There was a small bench near the entrance to the maze, and I wiped the morning dew off part of it with my sleeve, then sat down, my arms wrapped around my body in an attempt to stay warm.
I didn't notice Brin approach, nor did I notice him arrive and sit down next to me, but there he was, looking much less tired and cold than I was.
“Mornin',” he said.
I started, “Oh god, you scared me. When did you get here?”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn't see you coming.”
He rolled his eyes, jabbing his thumb into his chest, “Faerie, remember?”
“I... I know, but...”
This wasn't exactly how I had anticipated things going, but I was sure I could turn it around.
“So, what's the plan?"
"I need money."
"I gave you money."
"I need more."
He shrugged, put his hand in his pocket and brought out a roll of banknotes. I took them and slowly flicked through, stalling for time while I worked out what to do next. I had been reliant on seeing him coming, preparing myself, convincing him I was upset. Now I had to play a slower game.
I sighed as a got to the last note and nodded, "That should be enough."
Friday, 14 October 2011
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Installment 52
Harry came running to me when I came down the stairs. She had a large brown paper bag and a big grin on her face. She handed the bag to me, looking rather satisfied with herself, and rightly so. I opened the bag and pulled out potatoes, mushrooms, peppers, onions and a whole load of other vegetables. She stood, as if to attention, awaiting my response.
I almost squealed, “Oh my god, this is brilliant. We have to cook this right away.”
“I don't know how to do that,” she said.
“That's fine,” I told her, “I can do it. Do you want me to show you?”
She grinned and nodded. We went down some stairs to what had once been a kitchen, but seemed to long since have been abandoned. I found a knife, a chopping board and a frying pan, all covered in dust. I threw them in the sink and put the water on. At first, it came out a reddy-brown colour, but within a couple of minutes, it was clear. In the absence of a cloth or sponge, I rubbed the pan with my fingers and then just rinsed the board and knife, hoping there was nothing too deadly in that dust, but figuring that the heat would kill anything too bad.
I turned on the hob and sighed with relief when the automatic spark lit the gas. Harry had been looking a little too closely at what I was doing and squealed when the flames blew up, nearly catching her face.
“Are you ok?” I asked.
She nodded and we both burst out giggling.
I quickly chopped the onions and mushroom and threw them in the pan, lowering the heat. I had a quick look around and couldn't find any oil, but decided that was ok. I peeled and de-seeded what needed it, and let Harry roughly chop the rest of the vegetables. Once the onions and mushrooms were fried to my satisfaction, I added the rest of the vegetables and some water. I searched round the kitchen looking for herbs and seasoning, but found nothing, then looking out the window, I saw a patch of small plants.
“Come with me,” I told Harry.
She followed me out to what must have been a herb garden at one time. The rosemary and basil had taken over and there were no other herbs still growing, but that was enough for me. I grabbed a leaf of basil and crushed it between my fingers.
“Smell this,” I told Harry. She did so and scrunched her nose up.
“It smells weird.”
“It makes stuff taste good, though,” I told her and grabbed a handful of each herb.
We went back to the kitchen and I rinsed the herbs and threw them in the pan. The food smelt amazing, and my mouth was already watering. I knew it wouldn't taste as good as it could if I had a full range of seasonings, but I was really looking forward to eating it anyway.
About 20 minutes later, Harry and I dished up the food and sat down to eat it. I wasn't sure whether Harry wanted to try the food she'd cooked or whether she was just humouring me, but I appreciated the company, so didn't ask.
“So this is all kind of exciting for you, isn't it? Having your mother home?”
She nodded, her mouth full of food.
“I was thinking that I might go home; back to London. I mean, your mother just needed the pendant, right? She doesn't need me here.”
Harry started to chew her food faster, clearly swallowing the mouthful before she was ready to, “I don't really know. I think it's you as well.”
“I don't understand.”
“Well, you're kind of special, I think.”
“How so?”
She looked thoughtful. I tried to gauge whether she was trying to work out what to tell me, or how to explain it, “You can control it. Most people can't.”
“Can you?”
She shrugged, “Too young, that's what gran says.”
“Too young to control it, or too young to try.”
She shrugged again, shovelling another spoonful of food into her mouth.
“But surely you'd have your mother's capabilities?”
She snorted and didn't bother to finish the mouthful of food this time, “Can you do everything your mum can?”
I nodded slowly, “I get your point... but you've not tried?”
“No. Mum'll tell me if she wants me to.”
“What about what you want?”
She looked at me incredulously, “I want what mum wants.”
“Right,” I said, “I get that,” and dismissed her from my plan.
I almost squealed, “Oh my god, this is brilliant. We have to cook this right away.”
“I don't know how to do that,” she said.
“That's fine,” I told her, “I can do it. Do you want me to show you?”
She grinned and nodded. We went down some stairs to what had once been a kitchen, but seemed to long since have been abandoned. I found a knife, a chopping board and a frying pan, all covered in dust. I threw them in the sink and put the water on. At first, it came out a reddy-brown colour, but within a couple of minutes, it was clear. In the absence of a cloth or sponge, I rubbed the pan with my fingers and then just rinsed the board and knife, hoping there was nothing too deadly in that dust, but figuring that the heat would kill anything too bad.
I turned on the hob and sighed with relief when the automatic spark lit the gas. Harry had been looking a little too closely at what I was doing and squealed when the flames blew up, nearly catching her face.
“Are you ok?” I asked.
She nodded and we both burst out giggling.
I quickly chopped the onions and mushroom and threw them in the pan, lowering the heat. I had a quick look around and couldn't find any oil, but decided that was ok. I peeled and de-seeded what needed it, and let Harry roughly chop the rest of the vegetables. Once the onions and mushrooms were fried to my satisfaction, I added the rest of the vegetables and some water. I searched round the kitchen looking for herbs and seasoning, but found nothing, then looking out the window, I saw a patch of small plants.
“Come with me,” I told Harry.
She followed me out to what must have been a herb garden at one time. The rosemary and basil had taken over and there were no other herbs still growing, but that was enough for me. I grabbed a leaf of basil and crushed it between my fingers.
“Smell this,” I told Harry. She did so and scrunched her nose up.
“It smells weird.”
“It makes stuff taste good, though,” I told her and grabbed a handful of each herb.
We went back to the kitchen and I rinsed the herbs and threw them in the pan. The food smelt amazing, and my mouth was already watering. I knew it wouldn't taste as good as it could if I had a full range of seasonings, but I was really looking forward to eating it anyway.
About 20 minutes later, Harry and I dished up the food and sat down to eat it. I wasn't sure whether Harry wanted to try the food she'd cooked or whether she was just humouring me, but I appreciated the company, so didn't ask.
“So this is all kind of exciting for you, isn't it? Having your mother home?”
She nodded, her mouth full of food.
“I was thinking that I might go home; back to London. I mean, your mother just needed the pendant, right? She doesn't need me here.”
Harry started to chew her food faster, clearly swallowing the mouthful before she was ready to, “I don't really know. I think it's you as well.”
“I don't understand.”
“Well, you're kind of special, I think.”
“How so?”
She looked thoughtful. I tried to gauge whether she was trying to work out what to tell me, or how to explain it, “You can control it. Most people can't.”
“Can you?”
She shrugged, “Too young, that's what gran says.”
“Too young to control it, or too young to try.”
She shrugged again, shovelling another spoonful of food into her mouth.
“But surely you'd have your mother's capabilities?”
She snorted and didn't bother to finish the mouthful of food this time, “Can you do everything your mum can?”
I nodded slowly, “I get your point... but you've not tried?”
“No. Mum'll tell me if she wants me to.”
“What about what you want?”
She looked at me incredulously, “I want what mum wants.”
“Right,” I said, “I get that,” and dismissed her from my plan.
Wednesday, 14 September 2011
Installment 51
Author's note - this ends with the last 2 lines from the previous installment's paragraph. Sorry 'bout that. /AN
“So, money, right? What else? How are you planning to get out of Ogmore?”
I scowled for a couple of minutes, then ideas began to formulate in my head, “Meet me by the maze at 6 tomorrow morning.”
*
Janet was sitting on the bed when I went back to the bedroom.
“Whatcha doing?” I asked.
She started at the sound of my voice and stared at me for a moment looking confused before she answered, “I'm trying to find them. Elena and I have a link; a connection. We can kind of feel each other.”
“Like twins?”
“What?”
“Twins – they can tell when the other twin is in pain and stuff. It would kind of make sense. You both came to the world at the same time from the same place. You're kind of like twins; just you don't look alike, although I guess you can both look alike with your mind tricks and stuff – not that you're mind-tricking me anymore, just that you could if you wanted to. I mean, not that I want you to, but you still have the ability, right? I mean...” I trailed off. I didn't even make sense to myself at this stage.
“I guess,” she said, finally. I'm not sure what it is, but I can feel her moods sometimes. I guess she can feel mine too. If we both concentrate, we can always find each other, but I don't want to do that in case she leads him here.”
“Right, so what can you tell?”
“Well, I can tell she's a bit frustrated, which suggests that she doesn't know where we are.”
“Right.”
“But I can also tell she's not scared, which worries me a bit.”
“Why?”
“Because he should be angry with her for losing you, so she must have a plan. I don't know, Fi, it's like trying to make a picture from a jigsaw where half the pieces are missing.”
I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulder, “I'm glad you're trying.”
She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder.
I took a deep breath and then blurted out, “I'm leaving.”
She sat bolt upright and looked at me, disbelievingly, “Leaving?”
“Escaping.”
“But... how?... why?”
“I don't want to be a prisoner. I'm going to go back to London. I'm going to face the music. Thirty years in Holloway is better than a lifetime at the hands of a gaolor who doesn't even realise she has to feed the prisoner.”
“But... what will you do?”
“Brin has promised to help me. He'll get me out of the castle grounds and give me money.”
“Brin?”
“Yeah.”
“But... what about me?”
“I... I'm not sure.”
“I could come with you?”
“You told me to stay. You told me I had to. Why do you think we can leave now?”
She shook her head, “I don't, but if you're going, I want to come too. I've given up everything for you. If you go, I go.”
I swallowed a lump in my throat, “I'm going to prison.”
She smiled slightly and shrugged, “This world has no walls that can keep me out. Think about it. You told me for a reason. You want me there. You... I thought you'd want me there. To... to protect you.”
I sighed and dropped my head into her lap and let the tears come, “I don't know. I just don't know what to do.”
She ran her fingers gently through my hair, “Let me help you.”
I smiled, and started thinking how to set the rest of my plan in motion.
“So, money, right? What else? How are you planning to get out of Ogmore?”
I scowled for a couple of minutes, then ideas began to formulate in my head, “Meet me by the maze at 6 tomorrow morning.”
*
Janet was sitting on the bed when I went back to the bedroom.
“Whatcha doing?” I asked.
She started at the sound of my voice and stared at me for a moment looking confused before she answered, “I'm trying to find them. Elena and I have a link; a connection. We can kind of feel each other.”
“Like twins?”
“What?”
“Twins – they can tell when the other twin is in pain and stuff. It would kind of make sense. You both came to the world at the same time from the same place. You're kind of like twins; just you don't look alike, although I guess you can both look alike with your mind tricks and stuff – not that you're mind-tricking me anymore, just that you could if you wanted to. I mean, not that I want you to, but you still have the ability, right? I mean...” I trailed off. I didn't even make sense to myself at this stage.
“I guess,” she said, finally. I'm not sure what it is, but I can feel her moods sometimes. I guess she can feel mine too. If we both concentrate, we can always find each other, but I don't want to do that in case she leads him here.”
“Right, so what can you tell?”
“Well, I can tell she's a bit frustrated, which suggests that she doesn't know where we are.”
“Right.”
“But I can also tell she's not scared, which worries me a bit.”
“Why?”
“Because he should be angry with her for losing you, so she must have a plan. I don't know, Fi, it's like trying to make a picture from a jigsaw where half the pieces are missing.”
I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulder, “I'm glad you're trying.”
She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder.
I took a deep breath and then blurted out, “I'm leaving.”
She sat bolt upright and looked at me, disbelievingly, “Leaving?”
“Escaping.”
“But... how?... why?”
“I don't want to be a prisoner. I'm going to go back to London. I'm going to face the music. Thirty years in Holloway is better than a lifetime at the hands of a gaolor who doesn't even realise she has to feed the prisoner.”
“But... what will you do?”
“Brin has promised to help me. He'll get me out of the castle grounds and give me money.”
“Brin?”
“Yeah.”
“But... what about me?”
“I... I'm not sure.”
“I could come with you?”
“You told me to stay. You told me I had to. Why do you think we can leave now?”
She shook her head, “I don't, but if you're going, I want to come too. I've given up everything for you. If you go, I go.”
I swallowed a lump in my throat, “I'm going to prison.”
She smiled slightly and shrugged, “This world has no walls that can keep me out. Think about it. You told me for a reason. You want me there. You... I thought you'd want me there. To... to protect you.”
I sighed and dropped my head into her lap and let the tears come, “I don't know. I just don't know what to do.”
She ran her fingers gently through my hair, “Let me help you.”
I smiled, and started thinking how to set the rest of my plan in motion.
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Installment 50
I found Harry playing with a pack of cards; her dextrous hands shuffling and flicking the cards quickly. I had once tried to learn to do similar tricks, but given up after the tenth time of having to pick an entire deck of cards off the floor.
“Hey,” I said.
She turned her head and smiled, still playing with the cards, “Hi, Fi. How are you?”
“I'm ok... Hungry.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed, putting the cards down. She rifled through her bag and presented me with a handful of cherries.
I smiled, “Thanks,” I wolfed them down, then sighed.
“What's wrong, Fi?”
“This is lovely. You're lovely for getting them for me, but it's not enough. It's not a meal. You don't eat at all?”
She shrugged, “Sometimes.”
“But you don't need to.”
She shook her head, “Only so we don't stand out; y'know, look odd to the mortals.”
“You know when you do? You know how there's all different kinds of food?”
“Yeah. I like the last bit best.”
“The last bit?”
“Yeah, the one made of chocolate or fruit or something.”
“Dessert, yeah, right. Me too, actually. I'm a big fan of ice-cream, but you can't just eat dessert.”
“I know. Nan says it looks odd if I do.”
“I mean, I can't just eat dessert. I need different foods, like bread, cheese, eggs, vegetables.”
“Rabbits?”
“No, I don't eat meat.”
She looked confused.
“No animals. Nothing with blood.”
She nodded, though her face was twisted into a confused grimmace, “I'll see what I can do.”
*
I left her with her cards and wandered out into the gardens. I walked along the path leading to the big front gate, sauntering slowly in an effort to hide any desire I had to just walk through them. If I could walk right up to them without anyone stopping me, then perhaps tomorrow I would try to walk through them. Apart from everything else, I was rather bored of the castle now. It seemed time for a change of scenery.
I sighed, “I just want to go home,” I muttered under my breath.
“Go on then.”
I started and turned to see Bryn standing beside me.
“Are you following me?”
“Yep,” he said without so much as a vague look of embarrassment.
“Why?”
He shrugged, “Figure if something's going to happen, it's going to happen around you.”
It made sense in a strange way, but did nothing to comfort me.
“So, you think I could just walk through these doors and hop on a bus back to London?”
He put his hand to his face and rubbed his chin, considering what I had asked, “Doubt it. No buses in Ogmore that I'm aware of.”
My head dropped into my hand and I rubbed my eyes, “Will you help me?”
“Help you? Why would I do that?”
“Well... to piss off Arianwen, apart from anything else.”
He laughed, a big gruff laugh that made his entire body shake momentarily, “Good a reason as any, I suppose. Alright then, what do you need?”
I sighed; I hadn't gotten that far.
“I need a plan,” I told him, “and help carrying it out.”
He nodded in a slightly incredulous fashion, “So you want a saviour rather than a sidekick?” and turned to walk away.
“Ok... ok... Look, I'm possibly prisoner here, not sure. If I'm not, I still don't really have much in the way of transport. Is it walkable to Cardiff from here? Or to any form of public transport? I don't really fancy my chances at hitching. Maybe I could head into the village and beg a lift from one of the locals. Shit, maybe I could beg a meal from one of the locals. I don't even have any money.”
“Money, I can do,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a variety of notes and coins. He quickly flicked through them with the same ease that Harry shuffled the cards and singled out the UK currency, “Four hundred enough?”
“You... you just carry that around with you?”
He rolled his eyes, “I'm a friggin' faerie, love.”
I smiled, then started to laugh, “This is just too, too weird.”
“Hey,” I said.
She turned her head and smiled, still playing with the cards, “Hi, Fi. How are you?”
“I'm ok... Hungry.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed, putting the cards down. She rifled through her bag and presented me with a handful of cherries.
I smiled, “Thanks,” I wolfed them down, then sighed.
“What's wrong, Fi?”
“This is lovely. You're lovely for getting them for me, but it's not enough. It's not a meal. You don't eat at all?”
She shrugged, “Sometimes.”
“But you don't need to.”
She shook her head, “Only so we don't stand out; y'know, look odd to the mortals.”
“You know when you do? You know how there's all different kinds of food?”
“Yeah. I like the last bit best.”
“The last bit?”
“Yeah, the one made of chocolate or fruit or something.”
“Dessert, yeah, right. Me too, actually. I'm a big fan of ice-cream, but you can't just eat dessert.”
“I know. Nan says it looks odd if I do.”
“I mean, I can't just eat dessert. I need different foods, like bread, cheese, eggs, vegetables.”
“Rabbits?”
“No, I don't eat meat.”
She looked confused.
“No animals. Nothing with blood.”
She nodded, though her face was twisted into a confused grimmace, “I'll see what I can do.”
*
I left her with her cards and wandered out into the gardens. I walked along the path leading to the big front gate, sauntering slowly in an effort to hide any desire I had to just walk through them. If I could walk right up to them without anyone stopping me, then perhaps tomorrow I would try to walk through them. Apart from everything else, I was rather bored of the castle now. It seemed time for a change of scenery.
I sighed, “I just want to go home,” I muttered under my breath.
“Go on then.”
I started and turned to see Bryn standing beside me.
“Are you following me?”
“Yep,” he said without so much as a vague look of embarrassment.
“Why?”
He shrugged, “Figure if something's going to happen, it's going to happen around you.”
It made sense in a strange way, but did nothing to comfort me.
“So, you think I could just walk through these doors and hop on a bus back to London?”
He put his hand to his face and rubbed his chin, considering what I had asked, “Doubt it. No buses in Ogmore that I'm aware of.”
My head dropped into my hand and I rubbed my eyes, “Will you help me?”
“Help you? Why would I do that?”
“Well... to piss off Arianwen, apart from anything else.”
He laughed, a big gruff laugh that made his entire body shake momentarily, “Good a reason as any, I suppose. Alright then, what do you need?”
I sighed; I hadn't gotten that far.
“I need a plan,” I told him, “and help carrying it out.”
He nodded in a slightly incredulous fashion, “So you want a saviour rather than a sidekick?” and turned to walk away.
“Ok... ok... Look, I'm possibly prisoner here, not sure. If I'm not, I still don't really have much in the way of transport. Is it walkable to Cardiff from here? Or to any form of public transport? I don't really fancy my chances at hitching. Maybe I could head into the village and beg a lift from one of the locals. Shit, maybe I could beg a meal from one of the locals. I don't even have any money.”
“Money, I can do,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a variety of notes and coins. He quickly flicked through them with the same ease that Harry shuffled the cards and singled out the UK currency, “Four hundred enough?”
“You... you just carry that around with you?”
He rolled his eyes, “I'm a friggin' faerie, love.”
I smiled, then started to laugh, “This is just too, too weird.”
Thursday, 1 September 2011
Installment 49
I woke, surprised that I'd slept at all. Janet wasn't there. I felt relieved, then guilty, then just confused again. I tried to remember details of how things had been. It was like I'd been drunk the whole time and could only remember snatches of what had happened. I was fairly sure that wasn't true. I'd been working; I'd been doing normal stuff; I just couldn't remember properly. I tried more recent stuff. I thought about when I'd been in Ogmore before. I closed my eyes and pictured the scene.
I had walked into the pub; Errol was sitting at the bar. He smiled his half smile that I'd taken for a sneer the first time I'd met him, but knew by then that he was genuinely pleased to see me.
“Afternoon,” he said and waved his hand at the barman.
The barman poured a pint of cider and placed it in front of me at the bar. I smiled and sat down at the bar, sipping at the dry scrumpy. I didn't really like it all that much, but they brought it in from Somerset and insisted it was far superior to anything I truly enjoyed. I'd grown to like it a bit over the days I'd been coming to meet Errol.
“How are you today, sir?” I asked.
He shook his head, “Forgotten my name again? People only call me sir when they can't think what else to call me.”
“Maybe I just think of you as a gentleman.”
He grunted, “Is that is?”
“Definitely.”
He smiled again, his teeth showing slightly this time, “So, what news, townie?”
I shrugged, “I dunno. Still much the same. She's gone before I wake up and returns before dinner. We eat and sleep and that's about it.”
“You don't talk?”
“Yeah, I guess we do.”
“What about?”
I tried to remember, but eventually just shake my head and apologise.
I blinked a few times. It wasn't that we'd drunk too much wine at dinner; I was fairly sure of that. It was like the minute we'd sat down to eat, I'd gone into a daze. I sighed, annoyed at my own inability to remember things, and confused by everything I was thinking and feeling. How could I be so useless? My thoughts were interrupted by my stomach growling. I'd almost forgotten how hungry I was. Harry had gone scavenging and found me some more fruit, but that was all I'd had since we arrived. I sighed, stood up and stomped out of the room.
I had walked into the pub; Errol was sitting at the bar. He smiled his half smile that I'd taken for a sneer the first time I'd met him, but knew by then that he was genuinely pleased to see me.
“Afternoon,” he said and waved his hand at the barman.
The barman poured a pint of cider and placed it in front of me at the bar. I smiled and sat down at the bar, sipping at the dry scrumpy. I didn't really like it all that much, but they brought it in from Somerset and insisted it was far superior to anything I truly enjoyed. I'd grown to like it a bit over the days I'd been coming to meet Errol.
“How are you today, sir?” I asked.
He shook his head, “Forgotten my name again? People only call me sir when they can't think what else to call me.”
“Maybe I just think of you as a gentleman.”
He grunted, “Is that is?”
“Definitely.”
He smiled again, his teeth showing slightly this time, “So, what news, townie?”
I shrugged, “I dunno. Still much the same. She's gone before I wake up and returns before dinner. We eat and sleep and that's about it.”
“You don't talk?”
“Yeah, I guess we do.”
“What about?”
I tried to remember, but eventually just shake my head and apologise.
I blinked a few times. It wasn't that we'd drunk too much wine at dinner; I was fairly sure of that. It was like the minute we'd sat down to eat, I'd gone into a daze. I sighed, annoyed at my own inability to remember things, and confused by everything I was thinking and feeling. How could I be so useless? My thoughts were interrupted by my stomach growling. I'd almost forgotten how hungry I was. Harry had gone scavenging and found me some more fruit, but that was all I'd had since we arrived. I sighed, stood up and stomped out of the room.
Thursday, 25 August 2011
Installment 48
I know I probably dropped off at some point, but it felt like I just lay there for hours and hours thinking stuff over and over, and coming up with nothing but more frustration. Even if I could just walk out of the castle, where would I go? And what would Janet do? Would she come with me? Had anyone been telling me the truth through all of this?
I think I must have moved and she must have felt me move. I felt her move closer and put her arm around me. I tried desperately not to move. I wanted her to think I was asleep and to leave me alone. At the same time, I wanted her to know that I couldn't sleep and to comfort me. I wanted to be back in London in bed with Kelly. I wanted it to all be simple again. I wanted... what? We'd been fighting for months. It had been tiring, at best. I remembered what it felt like back then. Lying in her arms, pretending to be asleep, hoping she wouldn't try to wake me. Sometimes I'd feel her hand wandering and I'd continue to pretend to sleep. If she persisted, sometimes I'd have to turn, kiss her lightly and tell her I was too tired, or that I had a headache. Every so often, I would let her go further, usually only if I'd had a bottle of wine or so, though.
My body spasmed and I sat upright.
Janet leaned over and rubbed her hand down back, “What's wrong, Fi?”
I squeezed by eyes shut and then blinked a couple of times, “I... I dunno. Just memories, I guess.”
“What?” she sounded confused.
“I... I guess... I guess I realised I'd been thinking about things wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought... I mean, I remembered... I remembered being so happy, but I don't think I was. I think I was... I think it was me who... I mean, I think it was her who... I don't know.”
“What are you talking about, love? Who's she?”
I looked directly at her, “Kelly. Who else?”
She pursed her lips and looked down.
“What?” I asked her.
She shrugged, “I thought you'd forgotten about her.”
“How could I forget about her? Why would you think that?”
She shook her head, “It doesn't matter.”
“She was the whole reason I left London in the first place. I wouldn't even have met you if I hadn't... well, if I hadn't done that...”
She looked hurt, “And you're still in love with her.”
“That's kind of the thing. I'm not sure I was. I mean, I'm not sure what I felt, or what I feel. I just,” I collapsed back into the bed, “I just wish things were simple.”
I felt her hand lightly stroke my back. I reached round and pushed her away, “I'm tired.”
I think I must have moved and she must have felt me move. I felt her move closer and put her arm around me. I tried desperately not to move. I wanted her to think I was asleep and to leave me alone. At the same time, I wanted her to know that I couldn't sleep and to comfort me. I wanted to be back in London in bed with Kelly. I wanted it to all be simple again. I wanted... what? We'd been fighting for months. It had been tiring, at best. I remembered what it felt like back then. Lying in her arms, pretending to be asleep, hoping she wouldn't try to wake me. Sometimes I'd feel her hand wandering and I'd continue to pretend to sleep. If she persisted, sometimes I'd have to turn, kiss her lightly and tell her I was too tired, or that I had a headache. Every so often, I would let her go further, usually only if I'd had a bottle of wine or so, though.
My body spasmed and I sat upright.
Janet leaned over and rubbed her hand down back, “What's wrong, Fi?”
I squeezed by eyes shut and then blinked a couple of times, “I... I dunno. Just memories, I guess.”
“What?” she sounded confused.
“I... I guess... I guess I realised I'd been thinking about things wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought... I mean, I remembered... I remembered being so happy, but I don't think I was. I think I was... I think it was me who... I mean, I think it was her who... I don't know.”
“What are you talking about, love? Who's she?”
I looked directly at her, “Kelly. Who else?”
She pursed her lips and looked down.
“What?” I asked her.
She shrugged, “I thought you'd forgotten about her.”
“How could I forget about her? Why would you think that?”
She shook her head, “It doesn't matter.”
“She was the whole reason I left London in the first place. I wouldn't even have met you if I hadn't... well, if I hadn't done that...”
She looked hurt, “And you're still in love with her.”
“That's kind of the thing. I'm not sure I was. I mean, I'm not sure what I felt, or what I feel. I just,” I collapsed back into the bed, “I just wish things were simple.”
I felt her hand lightly stroke my back. I reached round and pushed her away, “I'm tired.”
Sunday, 21 August 2011
Installment 47
And that got me thinking. I only really had Janet's word for it that I couldn't leave. Even Brin didn't know about Arianwen holding me prisoner. Surely, she'd have told her brother, or whatever he was to her. I began to wonder how she actually felt about Gwendolyn. Did she think of her as her mother? And of Brin as her brother? Or was she just completely using them and trying to make them believe? And Harry? Harry was her daughter, but did that mean she cared about her? Loved her? Harry clearly adored her, but Harry was at least part-human, or mortal.
“Whatcha thinking?” Janet crept up on me.
I jumped, “Shit!”
“You ok?”
“You just scared me.”
“Sorry, love.”
I shook my head, “It doesn't matter. I was miles away.”
She smiled and gazed at me. It was slightly off-putting, but kind of sweet. My head was all over the place. I had no idea whether to believe what she'd told me and whether to trust she was on my side. I tried to smile back, but she could tell something was wrong. I could see her expression change to one of concern.
“I'm really hungry,” I told her before she had the chance to say anything.
She looked upset, “I know, love. I'm going to try to get you some more food. It's just difficult.”
I felt bad, “I know, love,” I leaned close and kissed her softly. It felt strange; not like the familiarity I'd felt before in the maze. I think I flinched. I think she felt it. I assumed she did. How could she not have?
I pretended it had all felt ok, and she pretended she believed that. We both pretended we didn't realise the other was pretending. It was fantastically awkward. I began to wish I hadn't spoke to Brin; hadn't thought of the idea that Janet may be lying to me, or mis-leading me. She hadn't actually told me a lie. Arianwen probably wouldn't let us leave; but there was a difference between not allowing us to leave and preventing us leaving. I wondered which it was. Surely a being that powerful would be able to stop a mere mortal leaving a castle. Easy – far too easy. Maybe not so easy when I had an immortal protector; and immortal lover. Whatever Janet was to me – and I really hadn't worked that out – she loved me; I believed that. I believed she would do what was best for me, but somehow, I didn't trust her. I didn't trust her judgement of what was best for me.
“Fi?” Janet paused, then tried my full name, “Fiona?”
I blinked a couple of times and realised she was talking, “Sorry, yeah. I mean, yeah? What's up?”
She smiled and put a hand on my shoulder, protectively, “You need to sleep.”
I looked up at her; I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of her, so I turned away, “Yeah, I think I do – and I need to eat. If she's going to keep us here, she needs to feed me, or she may as well kill me now,” then I stood and walked over to the bed, flopping onto it. I buried my head into the pillow and closed my eyes, pretending to fall straight asleep.
She knew I wasn't asleep, but tried to play along. She kissed my temple and whispered, “Sleep well, my love.”
“Whatcha thinking?” Janet crept up on me.
I jumped, “Shit!”
“You ok?”
“You just scared me.”
“Sorry, love.”
I shook my head, “It doesn't matter. I was miles away.”
She smiled and gazed at me. It was slightly off-putting, but kind of sweet. My head was all over the place. I had no idea whether to believe what she'd told me and whether to trust she was on my side. I tried to smile back, but she could tell something was wrong. I could see her expression change to one of concern.
“I'm really hungry,” I told her before she had the chance to say anything.
She looked upset, “I know, love. I'm going to try to get you some more food. It's just difficult.”
I felt bad, “I know, love,” I leaned close and kissed her softly. It felt strange; not like the familiarity I'd felt before in the maze. I think I flinched. I think she felt it. I assumed she did. How could she not have?
I pretended it had all felt ok, and she pretended she believed that. We both pretended we didn't realise the other was pretending. It was fantastically awkward. I began to wish I hadn't spoke to Brin; hadn't thought of the idea that Janet may be lying to me, or mis-leading me. She hadn't actually told me a lie. Arianwen probably wouldn't let us leave; but there was a difference between not allowing us to leave and preventing us leaving. I wondered which it was. Surely a being that powerful would be able to stop a mere mortal leaving a castle. Easy – far too easy. Maybe not so easy when I had an immortal protector; and immortal lover. Whatever Janet was to me – and I really hadn't worked that out – she loved me; I believed that. I believed she would do what was best for me, but somehow, I didn't trust her. I didn't trust her judgement of what was best for me.
“Fi?” Janet paused, then tried my full name, “Fiona?”
I blinked a couple of times and realised she was talking, “Sorry, yeah. I mean, yeah? What's up?”
She smiled and put a hand on my shoulder, protectively, “You need to sleep.”
I looked up at her; I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of her, so I turned away, “Yeah, I think I do – and I need to eat. If she's going to keep us here, she needs to feed me, or she may as well kill me now,” then I stood and walked over to the bed, flopping onto it. I buried my head into the pillow and closed my eyes, pretending to fall straight asleep.
She knew I wasn't asleep, but tried to play along. She kissed my temple and whispered, “Sleep well, my love.”
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Installment45
**
I spent the whole day being hungry, really hungry. The apple had been good, but a couple of crackers and an apple didn't constitute a snack for me, let alone 3 meals. I moped about the castle, had a nap in my room, read a little, but all the time was being shouted at by my stomach. Eventually, I decided I could take no more. I had to get out of the castle, into the village, where real food still existed. Janet was elsewhere; I didn't know where. She'd gone away after I'd snapped at her over nothing in particular. It was one of my lovely little quirks. Hunger made me a bitch. Tiredness made me a bitch. Tired hunger made me strangely weepy, but not before I'd bitten the heads off anyone who dared try to speak to me.
It was getting to late afternoon when Brin poked his head round the door.
“Hello,” he said.
I looked up, my eyes half closed, “What do you want?”
I expected him to react to my aggression, but he just answered the question as if it hadn't been spat out, “I'm not entirely sure, to be honest, but I get the feeling you're going to help me with that.”
“I don't understand.”
“You,” he said, flicking his head in my direction, “You know things. You understand things; things my mother doesn't. How? You're not a faerie and you're sure as hell not one of them.”
I shook my head, “Human. At least, I think so.”
He grunted and nodded, “Mortal, anyway. Don't know all that much about human. Seems a made up thing that changes depending on what you're thinking that day.”
“What does that mean?”
“You call each other animals, monsters, …, not always human; always mortal.”
“That's just talk.”
“Talk?”
“Yes, of course. What else?”
“Hmmmph... I don't know. Strange creatures, mortals. You live, you die, seems half your life is about making it longer than other peoples'.”
“That's not true.”
“No?” he shrugged, “Just an observer, me.”
“Yeah, well, things aren't always what they seem, you know? Surely you're not so stupid to think that you can understand everything just by looking. You have to understand the context of things and the cultures and values and...” I ran out of words at about the time that I ran out of steam, “y'know. That stuff...”
He smiled, it was almost a sneer, but not quite. It was as if he'd spent his whole life sneering and now didn't know any other way to smile.
I watched him for a while. His awkward stance and unnatural looking facial expressions. He looked like a mannequin which had been wrongly posed and just left with the clothes hanging off his body, not quite part of the scene where he'd been placed.
“What are we going to do?” I asked him after a while.
He didn't speak for just long enough to make the silence noticable, then said, “We need to get out of here.”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“What?”
“I mean, that's kind of obvious, but how? Arianwen won't let us leave.”
“Has she enchanted the castle?”
“She... I... I don't know.”
“How do you know we can't leave, then?”
“Um... Janet told me.”
“What did she say?”
I looked around the room, trying to remember the exact words. They didn't come to me, “Um... she said that Arianwen was holding us prisoner, or something like that.”
“Don't look much like a prisoner.”
“No,” I said, “I guess I don't.”
I spent the whole day being hungry, really hungry. The apple had been good, but a couple of crackers and an apple didn't constitute a snack for me, let alone 3 meals. I moped about the castle, had a nap in my room, read a little, but all the time was being shouted at by my stomach. Eventually, I decided I could take no more. I had to get out of the castle, into the village, where real food still existed. Janet was elsewhere; I didn't know where. She'd gone away after I'd snapped at her over nothing in particular. It was one of my lovely little quirks. Hunger made me a bitch. Tiredness made me a bitch. Tired hunger made me strangely weepy, but not before I'd bitten the heads off anyone who dared try to speak to me.
It was getting to late afternoon when Brin poked his head round the door.
“Hello,” he said.
I looked up, my eyes half closed, “What do you want?”
I expected him to react to my aggression, but he just answered the question as if it hadn't been spat out, “I'm not entirely sure, to be honest, but I get the feeling you're going to help me with that.”
“I don't understand.”
“You,” he said, flicking his head in my direction, “You know things. You understand things; things my mother doesn't. How? You're not a faerie and you're sure as hell not one of them.”
I shook my head, “Human. At least, I think so.”
He grunted and nodded, “Mortal, anyway. Don't know all that much about human. Seems a made up thing that changes depending on what you're thinking that day.”
“What does that mean?”
“You call each other animals, monsters, …, not always human; always mortal.”
“That's just talk.”
“Talk?”
“Yes, of course. What else?”
“Hmmmph... I don't know. Strange creatures, mortals. You live, you die, seems half your life is about making it longer than other peoples'.”
“That's not true.”
“No?” he shrugged, “Just an observer, me.”
“Yeah, well, things aren't always what they seem, you know? Surely you're not so stupid to think that you can understand everything just by looking. You have to understand the context of things and the cultures and values and...” I ran out of words at about the time that I ran out of steam, “y'know. That stuff...”
He smiled, it was almost a sneer, but not quite. It was as if he'd spent his whole life sneering and now didn't know any other way to smile.
I watched him for a while. His awkward stance and unnatural looking facial expressions. He looked like a mannequin which had been wrongly posed and just left with the clothes hanging off his body, not quite part of the scene where he'd been placed.
“What are we going to do?” I asked him after a while.
He didn't speak for just long enough to make the silence noticable, then said, “We need to get out of here.”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“What?”
“I mean, that's kind of obvious, but how? Arianwen won't let us leave.”
“Has she enchanted the castle?”
“She... I... I don't know.”
“How do you know we can't leave, then?”
“Um... Janet told me.”
“What did she say?”
I looked around the room, trying to remember the exact words. They didn't come to me, “Um... she said that Arianwen was holding us prisoner, or something like that.”
“Don't look much like a prisoner.”
“No,” I said, “I guess I don't.”
Friday, 11 March 2011
Installment 44
I turned to Janet, talking quietly, although Gwendolyn could hear perfectly well, I knew, "When were you going to tell me this?"
"I was coming to tell you. You didn't give me a chance."
"What the fuck, Janet?"
"Fi, you didn't give me a chance! You dragged me off into the maze and..." she glanced at Gwendolyn and her word grew slower and more deliberate, "It didn't seem the right time."
I turned back to Gwendolyn, "What fucking right does Arianwen have to say that we can't leave?"
Gwendolyn smiled, "She's in charge. We do as she says."
"Why?"
She continued smiling, but it started to look forced.
"I mean, who is she to you? She's not your daughter."
Her smile faded and her eyes widened. I thought for a moment she was going to hit me. Janet seemed to think the same and started to take a step between us, but Gwendolyn stood down and walked away in a hurry.
"Why did you say that?" Janet asked me.
"Well, she's not! How can she be?"
"Of course she's not, but Gwendolyn believes she is."
"But..."
"Arianwen is powerful, love. Really powerful. Gwendolyn has probably already forgotten any suggestion that she's not her daughter."
“Brin knows.”
“What?”
“Brin knows she's not his sister. He told me.”
Janet looked past me, into the distance, like she'd just had a thought, “Well, now, isn't that interesting?”
I watched her face for a little while, trying to work out what she was thinking. Her eyes shifted back to meet my gaze.
“Sarcy bitch,” I said.
She smiled, but it looked forced.
“What's wrong?”
“Nothing. It's nothing.”
I gave her a look of disbelief.
Her smile faded, “I'm not sure. Maybe nothing. C'mon, let's go inside and see if we can find you something to eat. I'll send Gwendolyn into town if not.”
She walked off and I followed her, shaking my head and laughing slightly, “Fucking rabbits!”
We walked back into the castle and were greeted by Harry.
“What d'you eat?” she asked me.
“Um... most things,” I told her, “Just not meat.”
She thought about this for a while, then ran off. A few minutes later, she returned with an apple and handed it to me. I smiled and took it from her, taking a bite. It was good, just the right mixture of sweet and tart. I told her so, and her face broke into a grin and she almost skipped off.
“What was that about?” Janet asked me.
“She brought me an apple.”
“Why?”
“I dunno. Because I was hungry, I guess.”
“Weird.”
“Why weird? She's a nice kid.”
Janet shrugged, “I guess.”
I couldn't understand why she was so suspicious, but decided to just let it go. There was way too much shit going on already. I didn't want to fall out with Janet too.
I glanced around and, when I was sure we were alone, said, “What are we going to do, Janet? They'll be coming for us still.”
“Not us,” she whispered, “The pendant.”
I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes, and looked up to try to make them go away, “The pendant and everyone within striking distance.”
She nodded slowly, looking thoughtful, "So I guess we need to get out of striking distance."
"How?"
She shook her head, biting her lip and rubbing her eyes, "I'll think of something."
"I was coming to tell you. You didn't give me a chance."
"What the fuck, Janet?"
"Fi, you didn't give me a chance! You dragged me off into the maze and..." she glanced at Gwendolyn and her word grew slower and more deliberate, "It didn't seem the right time."
I turned back to Gwendolyn, "What fucking right does Arianwen have to say that we can't leave?"
Gwendolyn smiled, "She's in charge. We do as she says."
"Why?"
She continued smiling, but it started to look forced.
"I mean, who is she to you? She's not your daughter."
Her smile faded and her eyes widened. I thought for a moment she was going to hit me. Janet seemed to think the same and started to take a step between us, but Gwendolyn stood down and walked away in a hurry.
"Why did you say that?" Janet asked me.
"Well, she's not! How can she be?"
"Of course she's not, but Gwendolyn believes she is."
"But..."
"Arianwen is powerful, love. Really powerful. Gwendolyn has probably already forgotten any suggestion that she's not her daughter."
“Brin knows.”
“What?”
“Brin knows she's not his sister. He told me.”
Janet looked past me, into the distance, like she'd just had a thought, “Well, now, isn't that interesting?”
I watched her face for a little while, trying to work out what she was thinking. Her eyes shifted back to meet my gaze.
“Sarcy bitch,” I said.
She smiled, but it looked forced.
“What's wrong?”
“Nothing. It's nothing.”
I gave her a look of disbelief.
Her smile faded, “I'm not sure. Maybe nothing. C'mon, let's go inside and see if we can find you something to eat. I'll send Gwendolyn into town if not.”
She walked off and I followed her, shaking my head and laughing slightly, “Fucking rabbits!”
We walked back into the castle and were greeted by Harry.
“What d'you eat?” she asked me.
“Um... most things,” I told her, “Just not meat.”
She thought about this for a while, then ran off. A few minutes later, she returned with an apple and handed it to me. I smiled and took it from her, taking a bite. It was good, just the right mixture of sweet and tart. I told her so, and her face broke into a grin and she almost skipped off.
“What was that about?” Janet asked me.
“She brought me an apple.”
“Why?”
“I dunno. Because I was hungry, I guess.”
“Weird.”
“Why weird? She's a nice kid.”
Janet shrugged, “I guess.”
I couldn't understand why she was so suspicious, but decided to just let it go. There was way too much shit going on already. I didn't want to fall out with Janet too.
I glanced around and, when I was sure we were alone, said, “What are we going to do, Janet? They'll be coming for us still.”
“Not us,” she whispered, “The pendant.”
I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes, and looked up to try to make them go away, “The pendant and everyone within striking distance.”
She nodded slowly, looking thoughtful, "So I guess we need to get out of striking distance."
"How?"
She shook her head, biting her lip and rubbing her eyes, "I'll think of something."
Monday, 7 February 2011
Installment 43
We found the entrance and wandered through, the high hedges blocking out the world. It felt strangely nice to have that barrier between us and all the problems and confusion outside. I was still half-running, dragging a slightly reluctant Janet behind me. After a few minutes, some of my enthusiasm seemed to rub off on her. She let go of my hand and set off at a faster pace.
"Race you," she called, when she was already a few metres ahead of me.
"No fair," I called after her, trying to catch up, but already out of breath.
I had to stop briefly, putting my hands on my knees to catch my breath, then set off again, but I'd lost sight of her. I slowed to a fast walk and called her name, then gasped as she reached out from a path off to the left, where the branches of the hedge had started to grow over and reclaim as some secret hideaway. Janet fell against the hedgerow and I fell against her, both laughing. The hedge began to disappear around me, and Janet's face began slowly to change, freckles appearing and her hair growing long.
"No," I told her, and the world stopped bending and returned to how it was, "You don't need to be her."
She stared at me confused.
"I... I want you to be you," I said, then kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded. I couldn't say why, but I felt so happy at that moment and I just wanted to share it with her. For the first time since I'd left London, I didn't want Kelly beside me. I kissed her again and this time she kissed me back, the leaves of the hedge almost swallowing us into the walls of the maze.
"Janet! Fiona!" Gwendolyn's voice came clearly through the crisp air.
I took a step back, pulling Janet with me. We were both trying not to giggle and probably looking slightly guilty as we wandered round a corner of the maze to where she was standing.
Gwendolyn smiled, "So you found our maze then? You want to be careful in there. We've had folks lost for days."
I tried, but failed to stifle my laughter. It wasn't that what she'd said was funny; more that I felt like I was 16 again and nearly getting caught by my mother kissing a friend in my bedroom.
"We have made a meal!" she said, looking very pleased with herself.
I nodded, "Cool, I'm famished."
Janet looked wary, "What have you made?"
"Rabbits!" Gwendolyn exclaimed.
"You know she's vegetarian?"
Gwendolyn stared blankly at Janet, still grinning.
"She doesn't eat animals."
I ran my hand down Janet's arm, "It's ok, I'll just eat the veg."
Gwendolyn still looked blank, but her smile had faded somewhat.
"It's just rabbit, isn't it?" Janet asked her.
"Well... yes."
Janet nodded and sighed.
"We'll go into the village and get some food there, shall we?" I asked, not wanting to cause a fuss.
"No," Gwendolyn told us, "You won't do that."
"It's fine, I don't mind," I told her.
"What Gwendolyn means," Janet replied, "Is that we are not allowed to leave the grounds of the castle. Arianwen's orders."
"Race you," she called, when she was already a few metres ahead of me.
"No fair," I called after her, trying to catch up, but already out of breath.
I had to stop briefly, putting my hands on my knees to catch my breath, then set off again, but I'd lost sight of her. I slowed to a fast walk and called her name, then gasped as she reached out from a path off to the left, where the branches of the hedge had started to grow over and reclaim as some secret hideaway. Janet fell against the hedgerow and I fell against her, both laughing. The hedge began to disappear around me, and Janet's face began slowly to change, freckles appearing and her hair growing long.
"No," I told her, and the world stopped bending and returned to how it was, "You don't need to be her."
She stared at me confused.
"I... I want you to be you," I said, then kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded. I couldn't say why, but I felt so happy at that moment and I just wanted to share it with her. For the first time since I'd left London, I didn't want Kelly beside me. I kissed her again and this time she kissed me back, the leaves of the hedge almost swallowing us into the walls of the maze.
"Janet! Fiona!" Gwendolyn's voice came clearly through the crisp air.
I took a step back, pulling Janet with me. We were both trying not to giggle and probably looking slightly guilty as we wandered round a corner of the maze to where she was standing.
Gwendolyn smiled, "So you found our maze then? You want to be careful in there. We've had folks lost for days."
I tried, but failed to stifle my laughter. It wasn't that what she'd said was funny; more that I felt like I was 16 again and nearly getting caught by my mother kissing a friend in my bedroom.
"We have made a meal!" she said, looking very pleased with herself.
I nodded, "Cool, I'm famished."
Janet looked wary, "What have you made?"
"Rabbits!" Gwendolyn exclaimed.
"You know she's vegetarian?"
Gwendolyn stared blankly at Janet, still grinning.
"She doesn't eat animals."
I ran my hand down Janet's arm, "It's ok, I'll just eat the veg."
Gwendolyn still looked blank, but her smile had faded somewhat.
"It's just rabbit, isn't it?" Janet asked her.
"Well... yes."
Janet nodded and sighed.
"We'll go into the village and get some food there, shall we?" I asked, not wanting to cause a fuss.
"No," Gwendolyn told us, "You won't do that."
"It's fine, I don't mind," I told her.
"What Gwendolyn means," Janet replied, "Is that we are not allowed to leave the grounds of the castle. Arianwen's orders."
Thursday, 27 January 2011
Installment 42
I left the room and wandered down the stairs and out into the garden. The sun was shining brightly, but the February air was still crisp and cold. I took a deep breath and felt the air tingle in my throat.
"It's all a bit messy, ain't it?"
I jumped and turned to see Brin standing next to me.
"Oh, hi. I didn't see you there."
He smiled and nodded, "No, I don't suppose you did."
I turned and stood face on to him, "What have you got against me?"
He laughed. It was a smirky kind of laugh, "I ain't got nothing against you, girly. Not really," he leaned in close to my face, I could feel his breath on my cheek, "Thing is, you brought my sister back, didn't you?"
"I didn't... I didn't bring her back. She was just here."
"Because mum summoned her when she found out you had the pendant. I'd managed to keep that bitch out of the picture for 8 years, and then you show up and back she comes to get in the way of everything."
"I don't know what you mean."
"It took me years, but I managed it. I took the pendant and hid it. She just assumed that poor bastard was to blame. Get this, girly, I took it and I couldn't even see it, but I managed to get it to the car, then drove that to East Anglia and sent it over a cliff. I don't know how you even found it."
I stared at him, disbelieving what I was hearing, "I don't think you got it that far, Brin. I found it in Ogmore."
"In Ogmore?"
"Yeah, in the gift shop."
"The fucking gift shop?"
I smiled, slightly smugly, "The fucking gift shop."
"So... I..."
"So, you never got it out of Ogmore; guess you dropped it and didn't notice or something."
"And she never knew it was here?"
I shrugged, "I guess not."
He shook his head in disbelief, almost laughing.
"So," I asked, "Why were you so keen to get rid of your sister?"
"She's not my sister. She's... I dunno who she is."
"She's..." I laughed, "Nah, I don't know either. She's like Janet is. Whatever that is. An immortal?"
"Yeah, maybe, I guess. Me and ma, we're not human either, y'know?"
"So what are you?"
He shrugged, "I guess faeries is the closest way to describe it. Descended from the first Welsh folk; keepers of the castle in Ogmore, but there weren't no pendant originally."
"So, where did she come from?"
"I dunno," he said, "She just turned up one day, waving her shiny jewels around and ma got completely taken in. She seems to actually believe she's Arianwen's mother now, but me? I know better. I remember before."
"And Harry?"
"Angharad's father is mortal, as far as I know. Dunno what that makes her."
Brin looked over his shoulder, then briskly walked away from me. I turned to see where he was looking. Janet was walking toward me quickly.
"Hey love, what are you doing out here?"
"Just fancied some air," I smiled, "It's so beautiful out here."
Janet smiled, and I took her hand, "C'mon, I want to go in the maze."
She followed me, seeming slightly bewildered by my enthusiasm, but didn't mention my talking to Brin. I wasn't sure if she'd seen us talking, nor why Brin wouldn't want her to, but also, I really did want to go in the maze.
"It's all a bit messy, ain't it?"
I jumped and turned to see Brin standing next to me.
"Oh, hi. I didn't see you there."
He smiled and nodded, "No, I don't suppose you did."
I turned and stood face on to him, "What have you got against me?"
He laughed. It was a smirky kind of laugh, "I ain't got nothing against you, girly. Not really," he leaned in close to my face, I could feel his breath on my cheek, "Thing is, you brought my sister back, didn't you?"
"I didn't... I didn't bring her back. She was just here."
"Because mum summoned her when she found out you had the pendant. I'd managed to keep that bitch out of the picture for 8 years, and then you show up and back she comes to get in the way of everything."
"I don't know what you mean."
"It took me years, but I managed it. I took the pendant and hid it. She just assumed that poor bastard was to blame. Get this, girly, I took it and I couldn't even see it, but I managed to get it to the car, then drove that to East Anglia and sent it over a cliff. I don't know how you even found it."
I stared at him, disbelieving what I was hearing, "I don't think you got it that far, Brin. I found it in Ogmore."
"In Ogmore?"
"Yeah, in the gift shop."
"The fucking gift shop?"
I smiled, slightly smugly, "The fucking gift shop."
"So... I..."
"So, you never got it out of Ogmore; guess you dropped it and didn't notice or something."
"And she never knew it was here?"
I shrugged, "I guess not."
He shook his head in disbelief, almost laughing.
"So," I asked, "Why were you so keen to get rid of your sister?"
"She's not my sister. She's... I dunno who she is."
"She's..." I laughed, "Nah, I don't know either. She's like Janet is. Whatever that is. An immortal?"
"Yeah, maybe, I guess. Me and ma, we're not human either, y'know?"
"So what are you?"
He shrugged, "I guess faeries is the closest way to describe it. Descended from the first Welsh folk; keepers of the castle in Ogmore, but there weren't no pendant originally."
"So, where did she come from?"
"I dunno," he said, "She just turned up one day, waving her shiny jewels around and ma got completely taken in. She seems to actually believe she's Arianwen's mother now, but me? I know better. I remember before."
"And Harry?"
"Angharad's father is mortal, as far as I know. Dunno what that makes her."
Brin looked over his shoulder, then briskly walked away from me. I turned to see where he was looking. Janet was walking toward me quickly.
"Hey love, what are you doing out here?"
"Just fancied some air," I smiled, "It's so beautiful out here."
Janet smiled, and I took her hand, "C'mon, I want to go in the maze."
She followed me, seeming slightly bewildered by my enthusiasm, but didn't mention my talking to Brin. I wasn't sure if she'd seen us talking, nor why Brin wouldn't want her to, but also, I really did want to go in the maze.
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Installment 41
"I found it," said Arianwen, then looked at me, "Twice, it seems."
She held her hand out to me, and I stood up and shook it. She looked confused, then laughed, still holding her hand out, "Give me the pendant."
"Oh... I... I don't want to."
She looked mildly surprised, "You don't want to?"
"I... I mean, why?"
"Because it belongs to me."
Janet nudged me, "Just give it to her, Fi."
I looked down at her. She looked scared. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the pendant, placing it lightly in Arianwen's hand.
"Thank you," she said, putting it in her own pocket, "You're tired," she said to me. It wasn't a question.
"Yes," I replied.
"Angharad, darling," her voice softened slightly, "Show our guests to the guest rooms in the east wing."
Harry smiled at her mother and beckoned for us to follow her.
Janet stood up, and we all walked out of the room.
Harry leant toward me as we walked and whispered, "You didn't say that you had the pendant. I thought this was just another wild goose chase, but you found it. That means she can stay this time."
I tried to smile, aware that it may be more of a grimace. Harry didn't seem to notice and almost skipped ahead of us as she led us to the east wing, and to a large room containing a big, ornate sofa and an open door to another room, which seemed to have a four-poster bed in it.
"Here you are," she said.
"Thanks," I said, still trying to smile.
Harry stood by the door, looking like she wanted to say something. She opened her mouth, but Janet interrupted, "Look, Fi's tired. They get tired, you know? Mortals."
Harry's face creased up in a confused scowl, but she left us alone.
"Bit harsh, Janet," I said, once Harry was out of earshot.
She shrugged and threw herself down on the sofa.
"What's wrong? Who is she?"
"She," Janet paused to make a face, "Is the one who was sent after Elena and I to make sure the pendant was retrieved. She was supposed to help us. Seems like she just nabbed it and kept hold of it here," she shook her head in disbelief, muttering a string of insults under her breath.
"But they'll come here, won't they? Daniel and Elena?"
Janet nodded, sheepishly, "And she'll destroy them."
"Destroy?"
"She's not like us. She has no human feelings at all. Entirely immortal. She takes what she wants and she will destroy anyone or anything that gets in her way," she seemed to be nearly in tears, "Look at what she did to that man; The man she was supposed to have loved. She used him to get what she wanted, a child, probably half-human, I don't know, then she got rid of him. Do you really believe he stole the pendant? Given how few people can even see the bloody thing?"
"But she did lose it, didn't she?"
"Yeah, that is kind of weird... and you found it here, in Ogmore?"
"Yes," I said, "In the gift shop."
She shook her head in disbelief, "In the gift shop..."
"So, what happened, do you think?"
Janet thought for a moment, the looked at me, "I just don't know. I really don't."
I laid my hands on her shoulders and rubbed them lightly, "I wish I could give you nice dreams like you do for me."
She looked up and smiled, "You know what?" she said laying a hand on top of mine, "It helps just knowing that you'd want to."
I sat down beside her, "Look, about that; I've been thinking, and I think it's ok for you to, well, use anything. Well, not the fights, but..."
She smiled and nodded, "Not the fights. Check," and she put her arm around me, and I was home watching some crappy film that Kelly had chosen solely because Guinevere Turner was in it. I didn't see the appeal, personally, but I was happy to watch any old shite if I was with Kelly. We were slap bang in the middle of those few weeks at the beginning of the relationship where everything she did was endearing and we just had to be holding hands or touching knees under the table or just somehow connected to each other at all times. I still smiled every time I thought of her and still couldn't believe how lucky I was. I nuzzled my head into her shoulder and turned slightly, to put my legs over the edge of the sofa. She stroked my hair absent-mindedly as we watched the film. Well, she watched the film. I had my eyes closed, revelling in the feel of the touch of her fingertips on my scalp. I could feel my head getting heavier and knew I was close to falling asleep. I fought it, wanting to let the moment last longer, but soon, I couldn't fight it anymore.
I awoke with the sun shining brightly onto my face, still leaning on Janet. I squinted as I sat up. Harry stood by the curtains, grinning.
"Mum wants to see you," she said.
"Hmmm? Ok," I said.
Harry shook her head, "Just her," she said pointing at Janet.
Janet nodded solemnly and followed Harry out of the room. I shook my head from side to side, trying to shake myself fully into consciousness. I rubbed my eyes and walked over to the window. The grounds of the castle were magnificent. They seemed to go on forever. About 100 metres from the castle, I could see a large labyrinth of evergreen hedges, surrounded by vast lawns and flowerbeds, and a small shubbery a little closer in. I threw open the window and took a deep breath. The air was fresh and smelled of cut grass and pine needles.
She held her hand out to me, and I stood up and shook it. She looked confused, then laughed, still holding her hand out, "Give me the pendant."
"Oh... I... I don't want to."
She looked mildly surprised, "You don't want to?"
"I... I mean, why?"
"Because it belongs to me."
Janet nudged me, "Just give it to her, Fi."
I looked down at her. She looked scared. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the pendant, placing it lightly in Arianwen's hand.
"Thank you," she said, putting it in her own pocket, "You're tired," she said to me. It wasn't a question.
"Yes," I replied.
"Angharad, darling," her voice softened slightly, "Show our guests to the guest rooms in the east wing."
Harry smiled at her mother and beckoned for us to follow her.
Janet stood up, and we all walked out of the room.
Harry leant toward me as we walked and whispered, "You didn't say that you had the pendant. I thought this was just another wild goose chase, but you found it. That means she can stay this time."
I tried to smile, aware that it may be more of a grimace. Harry didn't seem to notice and almost skipped ahead of us as she led us to the east wing, and to a large room containing a big, ornate sofa and an open door to another room, which seemed to have a four-poster bed in it.
"Here you are," she said.
"Thanks," I said, still trying to smile.
Harry stood by the door, looking like she wanted to say something. She opened her mouth, but Janet interrupted, "Look, Fi's tired. They get tired, you know? Mortals."
Harry's face creased up in a confused scowl, but she left us alone.
"Bit harsh, Janet," I said, once Harry was out of earshot.
She shrugged and threw herself down on the sofa.
"What's wrong? Who is she?"
"She," Janet paused to make a face, "Is the one who was sent after Elena and I to make sure the pendant was retrieved. She was supposed to help us. Seems like she just nabbed it and kept hold of it here," she shook her head in disbelief, muttering a string of insults under her breath.
"But they'll come here, won't they? Daniel and Elena?"
Janet nodded, sheepishly, "And she'll destroy them."
"Destroy?"
"She's not like us. She has no human feelings at all. Entirely immortal. She takes what she wants and she will destroy anyone or anything that gets in her way," she seemed to be nearly in tears, "Look at what she did to that man; The man she was supposed to have loved. She used him to get what she wanted, a child, probably half-human, I don't know, then she got rid of him. Do you really believe he stole the pendant? Given how few people can even see the bloody thing?"
"But she did lose it, didn't she?"
"Yeah, that is kind of weird... and you found it here, in Ogmore?"
"Yes," I said, "In the gift shop."
She shook her head in disbelief, "In the gift shop..."
"So, what happened, do you think?"
Janet thought for a moment, the looked at me, "I just don't know. I really don't."
I laid my hands on her shoulders and rubbed them lightly, "I wish I could give you nice dreams like you do for me."
She looked up and smiled, "You know what?" she said laying a hand on top of mine, "It helps just knowing that you'd want to."
I sat down beside her, "Look, about that; I've been thinking, and I think it's ok for you to, well, use anything. Well, not the fights, but..."
She smiled and nodded, "Not the fights. Check," and she put her arm around me, and I was home watching some crappy film that Kelly had chosen solely because Guinevere Turner was in it. I didn't see the appeal, personally, but I was happy to watch any old shite if I was with Kelly. We were slap bang in the middle of those few weeks at the beginning of the relationship where everything she did was endearing and we just had to be holding hands or touching knees under the table or just somehow connected to each other at all times. I still smiled every time I thought of her and still couldn't believe how lucky I was. I nuzzled my head into her shoulder and turned slightly, to put my legs over the edge of the sofa. She stroked my hair absent-mindedly as we watched the film. Well, she watched the film. I had my eyes closed, revelling in the feel of the touch of her fingertips on my scalp. I could feel my head getting heavier and knew I was close to falling asleep. I fought it, wanting to let the moment last longer, but soon, I couldn't fight it anymore.
I awoke with the sun shining brightly onto my face, still leaning on Janet. I squinted as I sat up. Harry stood by the curtains, grinning.
"Mum wants to see you," she said.
"Hmmm? Ok," I said.
Harry shook her head, "Just her," she said pointing at Janet.
Janet nodded solemnly and followed Harry out of the room. I shook my head from side to side, trying to shake myself fully into consciousness. I rubbed my eyes and walked over to the window. The grounds of the castle were magnificent. They seemed to go on forever. About 100 metres from the castle, I could see a large labyrinth of evergreen hedges, surrounded by vast lawns and flowerbeds, and a small shubbery a little closer in. I threw open the window and took a deep breath. The air was fresh and smelled of cut grass and pine needles.
Monday, 10 January 2011
Installment 40
I realised Janet was gazing at me, and probably had been for some time.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. Just looking at you.”
“Why?”
She smiled and kissed me on the cheek, “Because you're beautiful.”
I grimaced, “You're weird.”
“And you need to learn to take a compliment.”
“Whatever,” I could feel my face getting red and tried to change the subject, “So, it'll be weird going to the guesthouse and Tim not being there.”
“We're not going to the guesthouse.”
“Where will we stay then?”
“In the castle, of course.”
“Wow. I've never slept in a castle before. That's pretty cool.”
Janet smiled, “It's just a big house, Fi.”
“I know, but still... It's a huge, pretty house that's really old.”
“Fair enough,” she said smirking.
“What will we do when we get there?”
Janet shrugged, “Wait, I guess. Get ready to fight, or to run.”
“I've had enough of running,” I said, all the fear and uncertainty gone, “I don't even know how long it is since I left London, but I've been going too long, and it's time to stop running.”
She smiled, looking almost proud, “That's my girl,” she said, “You're braver than you think, but if it's a fight we can't win, then we run. Understand?”
I nodded, somehow knowing that it wouldn't come to that.
The castle loomed over the village. I hadn't noticed it the first time I came to Ogmore. I had been so caught up in what had happened with Kelly, that nothing else seemed to matter. Now, the whole world had changed for me and Kelly was nothing more than a series of memories brought to life for my pleasure and entertainment.
I could feel the excitement Gwendolyn was feeling. It was the excitement of a woman who's been away from home altogether too long. Brin also seemed energised by our proximity to the castle. Harry continued playing games on her phone, not even seeming to notice that we'd arrived in Ogmore. Every so often, she would let out an exclamation of victory or frustration, but didn't seem interested in interacting with us at all. I wondered how this young girl managed to just shut out all the drama that surrounded her and carry on as if nothing was wrong. I guess if all your life is weird, weird is normal.
The car pulled into the grounds of the castle and we all piled out. Brin opened the boot and handed bags to Harry and Gwendolyn, and threw a large backpack over his shoulder. Janet and I followed as they led the way up some steps to a big wooden door. I felt like I should be handing over money to the national trust, but when we walked through the doorway, the decor and furniture was surprisingly modern. The walls were stone, of course, but instead of the renaissance paintings of dead ancestors that I would usually expect, there was a large abstract expressionist painting, and then a collection of postcards and photographs. The opposite wall held a large mirror, reflecting the painting back. It was strange being so utterly surrounded by the strange shapes in primary colours.
The family dropped their bags in the hallway and led us through to a living room area. Harry launched herself into a big armchair and resumed the game on her phone. I felt tired and nauseous and more than a little worried about what was going to happen. My stomach gurgled and I realised that the nausea was probably really hunger.
"Um... would I be able to get something to eat?" I asked timidly.
Gwendolyn and Brin turned and looked at me with confused looks on their faces, as if I'd asked something completely ridiculous.
Janet reached into her bag and handed me a small packet of crackers, then turned to the others, "Mortal, remember?"
Brin grunted disapprovingly.
I opened the crackers and wolfed them down. Janet watched me, looking sad.
"I'm sorry I don't have anything more appetising. I picked them up at a motorway service station a couple of days ago, but didn't think to get you anything better on the way here."
I chewed up the remainder of the cracker in my mouth, and swallowed it before I should have, leaving a small piece stuck in my throat, "It's ok," I told her, "You've had bigger things on your mind."
She smiled and put her hand on mine, "Feeling better?"
I nodded.
"I'll go into town later and get something more substantial."
I smiled, "Thanks."
A woman walked down the stairs. She wore dark trousers, and a long flowing shirt of crimson silk. Her hair was a deep auburn and fell down to her waist. Harry looked up from her phone, then dropped it and leapt out of the chair.
"Mum!" she ran over and threw her arms around the woman. Arianwen, I assumed that's who it was, smiled and kissed the top of the girl's head holding her close.
Gwendolyn turned and smiled at her daughter. Brin's face stayed grim and he merely nodded at her.
I went to stand, but Janet, grabbed my hand and stopped me.
"What?" I whispered.
"Just wait, darling," she responded.
I shot her a quizzical look, but the worry on her face stopped me from arguing. She was looking down, trying not to make eye contact with Arianwen. It didn't work. Arianwen let go of her daughter and walked over to where we were sitting and stood in front of Janet.
Janet looked up and smiled weakly, "So, you found it then?"
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. Just looking at you.”
“Why?”
She smiled and kissed me on the cheek, “Because you're beautiful.”
I grimaced, “You're weird.”
“And you need to learn to take a compliment.”
“Whatever,” I could feel my face getting red and tried to change the subject, “So, it'll be weird going to the guesthouse and Tim not being there.”
“We're not going to the guesthouse.”
“Where will we stay then?”
“In the castle, of course.”
“Wow. I've never slept in a castle before. That's pretty cool.”
Janet smiled, “It's just a big house, Fi.”
“I know, but still... It's a huge, pretty house that's really old.”
“Fair enough,” she said smirking.
“What will we do when we get there?”
Janet shrugged, “Wait, I guess. Get ready to fight, or to run.”
“I've had enough of running,” I said, all the fear and uncertainty gone, “I don't even know how long it is since I left London, but I've been going too long, and it's time to stop running.”
She smiled, looking almost proud, “That's my girl,” she said, “You're braver than you think, but if it's a fight we can't win, then we run. Understand?”
I nodded, somehow knowing that it wouldn't come to that.
The castle loomed over the village. I hadn't noticed it the first time I came to Ogmore. I had been so caught up in what had happened with Kelly, that nothing else seemed to matter. Now, the whole world had changed for me and Kelly was nothing more than a series of memories brought to life for my pleasure and entertainment.
I could feel the excitement Gwendolyn was feeling. It was the excitement of a woman who's been away from home altogether too long. Brin also seemed energised by our proximity to the castle. Harry continued playing games on her phone, not even seeming to notice that we'd arrived in Ogmore. Every so often, she would let out an exclamation of victory or frustration, but didn't seem interested in interacting with us at all. I wondered how this young girl managed to just shut out all the drama that surrounded her and carry on as if nothing was wrong. I guess if all your life is weird, weird is normal.
The car pulled into the grounds of the castle and we all piled out. Brin opened the boot and handed bags to Harry and Gwendolyn, and threw a large backpack over his shoulder. Janet and I followed as they led the way up some steps to a big wooden door. I felt like I should be handing over money to the national trust, but when we walked through the doorway, the decor and furniture was surprisingly modern. The walls were stone, of course, but instead of the renaissance paintings of dead ancestors that I would usually expect, there was a large abstract expressionist painting, and then a collection of postcards and photographs. The opposite wall held a large mirror, reflecting the painting back. It was strange being so utterly surrounded by the strange shapes in primary colours.
The family dropped their bags in the hallway and led us through to a living room area. Harry launched herself into a big armchair and resumed the game on her phone. I felt tired and nauseous and more than a little worried about what was going to happen. My stomach gurgled and I realised that the nausea was probably really hunger.
"Um... would I be able to get something to eat?" I asked timidly.
Gwendolyn and Brin turned and looked at me with confused looks on their faces, as if I'd asked something completely ridiculous.
Janet reached into her bag and handed me a small packet of crackers, then turned to the others, "Mortal, remember?"
Brin grunted disapprovingly.
I opened the crackers and wolfed them down. Janet watched me, looking sad.
"I'm sorry I don't have anything more appetising. I picked them up at a motorway service station a couple of days ago, but didn't think to get you anything better on the way here."
I chewed up the remainder of the cracker in my mouth, and swallowed it before I should have, leaving a small piece stuck in my throat, "It's ok," I told her, "You've had bigger things on your mind."
She smiled and put her hand on mine, "Feeling better?"
I nodded.
"I'll go into town later and get something more substantial."
I smiled, "Thanks."
A woman walked down the stairs. She wore dark trousers, and a long flowing shirt of crimson silk. Her hair was a deep auburn and fell down to her waist. Harry looked up from her phone, then dropped it and leapt out of the chair.
"Mum!" she ran over and threw her arms around the woman. Arianwen, I assumed that's who it was, smiled and kissed the top of the girl's head holding her close.
Gwendolyn turned and smiled at her daughter. Brin's face stayed grim and he merely nodded at her.
I went to stand, but Janet, grabbed my hand and stopped me.
"What?" I whispered.
"Just wait, darling," she responded.
I shot her a quizzical look, but the worry on her face stopped me from arguing. She was looking down, trying not to make eye contact with Arianwen. It didn't work. Arianwen let go of her daughter and walked over to where we were sitting and stood in front of Janet.
Janet looked up and smiled weakly, "So, you found it then?"
Monday, 3 January 2011
Installment 39
When I awoke, the sun was rising. The whole sky glowed red and the clouds seemed to be on fire.
I sighed, “Red sky in the morning...”
“What's that?” Janet asked me quietly.
I shook my head, “Nothing. Just stupid superstition.”
“Sleep well?”
“Um... yeah, I guess,” I rubbed my eyes and sat up.
“We'll be there in half an hour or so.”
I forced a smile, “What then?”
Janet shook her head, “I'm still playing it by ear to a large extent.”
I nodded, “Fuck all else we can do, I guess.”
She smiled, “Nope. Really isn't.”
“What are you talking about?” Harry asked leaning over the back of the seat.
“Um... just stuff,” I responded.
“What stuff?”
“Uh...”
“Morning, Cerriadd,” Gwendolyn interruped, “Did you sleep ok?”
“Yeah, fine, gran, until I got woken up to go god knows where in the car in the middle of the night.”
The old woman laughed, “Well, we'll be back in Ogmore soon.”
“Ogmore?”
Gwendolyn didn't respond.
“Gran? Ogmore? We're going back? You've found mum?” When Gwendolyn still said nothing, she turned to me, “You know where my mother is?”
I started to shake my head, but got a warning look from Janet.
“We think we know where to find her,” Janet said.
Harry looked at Janet, not knowing what to say. After about 30 seconds, she said, “I don't believe you.”
Janet smiled, “That's ok, Harry. When we find her, you'll know.”
The girl blinked a few times, “Can you really find her?”
Janet put her hand on Harry's arm, “I hope so. I really do.”
I stared at Harry. She must have been around thirteen or so. Poor kid; being dragged around by her family with a couple of strangers in tow. Really, she was coping very well with it all.
Harry shrugged, as if she could hear my thoughts, “Doesn't really matter anyway. She'll just go away again.”
“Oh! No, she might not this time,” I told her. Janet shot me a look to shut up.
Harry gave me a patronising look, “It's ok. I'm used to it. She's not been around since dad took off. Uncle Brin and gran look after me.”
“Do you remember much about your dad?” I wanted to hear Harry's side of the story.
“Nah, not really. Not that interested. He's a bastard and I hope he's really unhappy wherever he is.”
She didn't know he'd died; that her mother had killed him. I wondered if she'd like that, or if it would upset her.
“My dad left when I was eight,” I told her, trying somehow to relate.
She shrugged, “Was he a bastard too?”
I thought for a moment, “No, I don't think so. Just didn't work out, I guess.”
She looked disappointed, as if she wanted someone to share her anger with. I wondered if her mother still shared it.
“So,” she said, “Without meaning to be rude, who the hell are you?”
I laughed, “It's kinda complicated. I guess our paths just collided a bit.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Honestly, I'm not sure.”
“So, you just got in our car and left yours in Beddgellert and you don't know why?”
“I mean, I guess there's more to it than that, but pretty much, yeah.”
She nodded and smiled sarcastically, then sat back in her seat, took her mobile phone out and ignored us.
I looked out of the window, recognising some of the landmarks on the way into Ogmore. It seemed so long since I was last here, but it can't have been more than a couple of weeks. I shuddered slightly at the memory of seeing Errol and Tim in that car. I tried to imagine walking into the pub and Errol not being there. It seemed to me that if I went back, he'd magically just re-appear, but I knew things like that didn't happen.
I thought about my dad then. He'd left, but he'd still always been around. He spoilt me rotten at first and it drove my mother mad, but after a couple of years, they managed to come to some kind of arrangement and I no longer got everything I wanted, just because I asked for it. I remember being pissed off at the time, but I guess it was better in the long run.
I tried to picture his face, but when I closed my eyes, I could only see Errol's face, twisted in pain and angry. I tried to picture my mother then, but still I couldn't see her face, and then I tried to picture Kelly. Every feature was clear. Her auburn hair, her bright blue eyes, her freckled skin and that gorgeous smile; I could see it all so clearly, but I'd killed her. Then I began to wonder whether Arianwen had felt the same about her lover – the man who'd stolen from her and run away. She must have felt so betrayed, but to leave her daughter to go looking for the pendant, that seemed so strange to me. What was so special about it that it was worth all that? There must be more to it than just making people invisible. I mean, that was kind of cool, but not worth killing over.
I took it out of my pocket and looked at it. It had a thin leather cord, and what looked like a large purple tear with a hole drilled into it. When I held it up to the light, it looked almost crimson, but in the shadow, it was a dark indigo colour. I tried to imagine losing it; someone stealing it from me, and it seemed a completely impossible concept. I couldn't imagine what I'd do. I'd been ready to give it up just to get away from Daniel, but now, the idea of him taking it from me made me so angry.
I sighed, “Red sky in the morning...”
“What's that?” Janet asked me quietly.
I shook my head, “Nothing. Just stupid superstition.”
“Sleep well?”
“Um... yeah, I guess,” I rubbed my eyes and sat up.
“We'll be there in half an hour or so.”
I forced a smile, “What then?”
Janet shook her head, “I'm still playing it by ear to a large extent.”
I nodded, “Fuck all else we can do, I guess.”
She smiled, “Nope. Really isn't.”
“What are you talking about?” Harry asked leaning over the back of the seat.
“Um... just stuff,” I responded.
“What stuff?”
“Uh...”
“Morning, Cerriadd,” Gwendolyn interruped, “Did you sleep ok?”
“Yeah, fine, gran, until I got woken up to go god knows where in the car in the middle of the night.”
The old woman laughed, “Well, we'll be back in Ogmore soon.”
“Ogmore?”
Gwendolyn didn't respond.
“Gran? Ogmore? We're going back? You've found mum?” When Gwendolyn still said nothing, she turned to me, “You know where my mother is?”
I started to shake my head, but got a warning look from Janet.
“We think we know where to find her,” Janet said.
Harry looked at Janet, not knowing what to say. After about 30 seconds, she said, “I don't believe you.”
Janet smiled, “That's ok, Harry. When we find her, you'll know.”
The girl blinked a few times, “Can you really find her?”
Janet put her hand on Harry's arm, “I hope so. I really do.”
I stared at Harry. She must have been around thirteen or so. Poor kid; being dragged around by her family with a couple of strangers in tow. Really, she was coping very well with it all.
Harry shrugged, as if she could hear my thoughts, “Doesn't really matter anyway. She'll just go away again.”
“Oh! No, she might not this time,” I told her. Janet shot me a look to shut up.
Harry gave me a patronising look, “It's ok. I'm used to it. She's not been around since dad took off. Uncle Brin and gran look after me.”
“Do you remember much about your dad?” I wanted to hear Harry's side of the story.
“Nah, not really. Not that interested. He's a bastard and I hope he's really unhappy wherever he is.”
She didn't know he'd died; that her mother had killed him. I wondered if she'd like that, or if it would upset her.
“My dad left when I was eight,” I told her, trying somehow to relate.
She shrugged, “Was he a bastard too?”
I thought for a moment, “No, I don't think so. Just didn't work out, I guess.”
She looked disappointed, as if she wanted someone to share her anger with. I wondered if her mother still shared it.
“So,” she said, “Without meaning to be rude, who the hell are you?”
I laughed, “It's kinda complicated. I guess our paths just collided a bit.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Honestly, I'm not sure.”
“So, you just got in our car and left yours in Beddgellert and you don't know why?”
“I mean, I guess there's more to it than that, but pretty much, yeah.”
She nodded and smiled sarcastically, then sat back in her seat, took her mobile phone out and ignored us.
I looked out of the window, recognising some of the landmarks on the way into Ogmore. It seemed so long since I was last here, but it can't have been more than a couple of weeks. I shuddered slightly at the memory of seeing Errol and Tim in that car. I tried to imagine walking into the pub and Errol not being there. It seemed to me that if I went back, he'd magically just re-appear, but I knew things like that didn't happen.
I thought about my dad then. He'd left, but he'd still always been around. He spoilt me rotten at first and it drove my mother mad, but after a couple of years, they managed to come to some kind of arrangement and I no longer got everything I wanted, just because I asked for it. I remember being pissed off at the time, but I guess it was better in the long run.
I tried to picture his face, but when I closed my eyes, I could only see Errol's face, twisted in pain and angry. I tried to picture my mother then, but still I couldn't see her face, and then I tried to picture Kelly. Every feature was clear. Her auburn hair, her bright blue eyes, her freckled skin and that gorgeous smile; I could see it all so clearly, but I'd killed her. Then I began to wonder whether Arianwen had felt the same about her lover – the man who'd stolen from her and run away. She must have felt so betrayed, but to leave her daughter to go looking for the pendant, that seemed so strange to me. What was so special about it that it was worth all that? There must be more to it than just making people invisible. I mean, that was kind of cool, but not worth killing over.
I took it out of my pocket and looked at it. It had a thin leather cord, and what looked like a large purple tear with a hole drilled into it. When I held it up to the light, it looked almost crimson, but in the shadow, it was a dark indigo colour. I tried to imagine losing it; someone stealing it from me, and it seemed a completely impossible concept. I couldn't imagine what I'd do. I'd been ready to give it up just to get away from Daniel, but now, the idea of him taking it from me made me so angry.
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